adBlockCheck

Adorable Rockies Attempting To Win World Series

Top Headlines

Sports

How The IOC Plans To Address Doping

In light of its recent decision not to bar Russian athletes from competing in Rio despite their use of performance-enhancing drugs, the International Olympic Committee is working to establish more effective protocols to keep the Games drug-free. Here are some ways the IOC plans to address doping:
End Of Section
  • More News
Up Next

Adorable Rockies Attempting To Win World Series

PHILADELPHIA—In an absolutely precious little press conference before the start of the NLDS Wednesday, the upstart Colorado Rockies confirmed that they would be making the most adorable effort to win the World Series this year. "They looked so handsome up there in their clean, pressed uniforms that I could have just died," said ESPN baseball analyst Peter Gammons, adding that he wanted to walk right up to Rockies shortstop Troy Tulowitzki and pinch his iddy-biddy cheeks. "I know I shouldn't have laughed when they said they thought they had a chance, but it was so priceless to see them pretending to talk like grown-ups." Saying that they felt they were being patronized, the Rockies concluded the press conference with quite the temper tantrum, because they were tired and cranky and needed a nap.

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

X Close