Helpful Man Saves Woman Effort Of Telling Idea To Boss Herself

ATLANTA—In an unprompted act of generosity from one coworker to another, Spryte Logistics employee Ben Graham reportedly took the initiative to share one of Emily Fehrman’s ideas with their boss on Friday, saving her the time and effort of doing it herself.

Fisher-Price Releases New In Utero Fetal Activity Gym

EAST AURORA, NY—Touting it as the perfect tool for entertaining and stimulating the fetus during gestation, Fisher-Price announced the release Wednesday of a new in utero activity gym. “Whether they’re batting at the friendly toucans in order to harden their cartilage into bone or tapping the multicolored light-up palm tree to test out their sense of vision once their eyes open at 28 weeks, the Fisher-Price Rainforest Friends Prenatal Activity Gym is guaranteed to give your fetus a head start and keep it happy and occupied,” said director of marketing Kevin Goldbaum.

It Kind Of Sweet CEO Thinks He Doing Good Job

SEATTLE—Admitting that the sight of him laying out his vision for the company was pretty endearing, employees at Rainier Solutions reported Monday that it was kind of sweet that CEO Greg Warner thinks he is doing a good job.

How Obamacare Can Be Improved

With Aetna just the latest health insurance provider to opt out of covering Obamacare markets, many are wondering what changes can make the Affordable Care Act more appealing to customers and insurance companies. Here are some proposed improvements

How Internet Clickbait Works

Facebook and other sites have recently begun to fight back against “clickbait,” often misleading internet posts designed to be seen by as many readers as possible. The Onion breaks down the production and spread of this content
End Of Section
  • More News

Advertising Firm Unveils New Mute-Resistant Commercials

CHICAGO—The Leo Burnett advertising agency announced Tuesday that a McDonald's spot set to air during the upcoming May sweeps will be the first mute-resistant commercial in television history. The ad reportedly uses a new technology that disables a TV's volume-reduction functions, creating a "new kind of listening space" for advertisers to communicate with audiences. "Viewers can try pressing the mute button, but if they do, it will actually double the volume at which they hear the latest 'I'm Lovin' It' jingle," CEO Tom Bernardin said. "We already have six more clients signed on to use this exciting marketing tool during the season finale of Lost." Rival agency Draftfcb is reportedly developing a technology of its own that will remotely turn on a television and adjust the channel seconds before a commercial airs.

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.