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Advisors Hopeful Jeb Bush Finally Has Momentum To End Campaign

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Election 2016

Financially Struggling Trump Campaign Holds Fundraising Riot

NEWARK, NJ—Having raised only $3.1 million last month despite clinching the Republican nomination and with just $1.3 million on hand, Donald Trump’s presidential campaign sought a much-needed injection of cash Wednesday by holding a fundraising riot in Newark, sources confirmed.

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Here is a guide to presumptive Republican nominee Donald Trump’s potential running mates in the 2016 presidential election

Nation Clinging Desperately To Brief Inspirational Moment Before Being Thrust Back Into Raging Election Maelstrom

WASHINGTON—Following Hillary Clinton’s primary victories Tuesday that presumably secured her place as the first woman in U.S. history to receive a major party’s presidential nomination, citizens across the nation admitted to reporters they were desperately clinging to the brief moment of inspiration before they are inevitably thrust back into the raging black maelstrom of the 2016 election.

Campaign Announces Clinton Has Entered Incubation Period After Securing Nomination

Candidate Transitioning Into Mature Presidential Form Inside Cocoon, Aides Say

NEW YORK—Immediately after she clinched the 2,383 delegates needed to secure the Democratic presidential nomination Monday night, campaign aides announced that Hillary Clinton had retreated to a dark corner of her Brooklyn headquarters and entered the beginning of a 16-week incubation period.

The Arguments For And Against Bernie Sanders Staying In The Race

Bernie Sanders is ramping up his efforts in the presidential race despite long odds, while sharpening his criticisms of a Democratic Party increasingly focused on the general election with Hillary Clinton as their presumptive nominee. Here are the arguments for and against Sanders staying in the race

Donald Trump’s Campaign: Myth Vs. Fact

Donald Trump’s political positions, personal history, and potential governing style have been the subject of much debate throughout the 2016 election. The Onion separates myth from fact in this breakdown of Trump’s campaign:

Report: Well, Here We Go

WASHINGTON—With Donald Trump’s two remaining GOP rivals suspending their candidacies and clearing a path for the billionaire businessman to assume the Republican presidential nomination, reports indicated Wednesday that, well, hoo boy, here we go.
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Advisors Hopeful Jeb Bush Finally Has Momentum To End Campaign

HENNIKER, NH—Saying his performance in last night’s Iowa caucuses provided just the push he needed, advisors for Jeb Bush expressed their hope Tuesday that the Republican candidate has finally garnered enough momentum to end his presidential campaign. “If you look back across several weeks of polling data, you can see that Jeb is definitely starting to build a full head of steam and appears to be in an excellent position to exit the presidential race,” said campaign manager Danny Diaz, adding that Bush wasn’t just picking up speed in the early primary states but across the country as a whole, and appeared poised to retake the national spotlight by announcing the suspension of his campaign. “New Hampshire can be a significant turning point for this campaign if Jeb finishes similarly there. It feels like we could certainly keep following this trajectory and make a big move to call it quits. Let me tell you, there’s a certain energy in the Bush camp right now.” At press time, Bush’s campaign office was buzzing with dozens of staffers canceling accommodations and tour stops all across South Carolina and Nevada.

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