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Advisors Tell Trump, Cruz To Stick To Just Attacking All Women In General

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Election 2016

Trump Casually Informs Pence He Going To Make One Or Two Appearances During Speech

CLEVELAND—Pulling his running mate aside backstage at the Republican National Convention just minutes before the Indiana governor was scheduled to formally accept the party’s vice presidential nomination, GOP candidate Donald Trump casually informed Mike Pence that he would probably make one or two quick appearances during the Midwestern conservative’s headlining speech tonight.

‘Heed My Tragic Story Well, Friends, For You Could Just As Easily Be Me,’ Says Chris Christie In Haunting RNC Speech

CLEVELAND—A thrall sweeping over the assembled GOP officials and party members Tuesday as he recounted his chilling tale of hubris, New Jersey governor Chris Christie reportedly entreated those at the Republican National Convention to consider the sad story of his own dizzying rise and ignominious fall, offering a bitter warning to all in attendance that his terrible fate could befall any one of them.
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Advisors Tell Trump, Cruz To Stick To Just Attacking All Women In General

JANESVILLE, WI—Attempting to reduce the negative publicity generated by their candidates’ recent attacks on each other’s wives, top campaign advisors reportedly instructed Republican presidential hopefuls Donald Trump and Ted Cruz in private meetings Monday to stick to just attacking all women in general, sources confirmed. “Using derogatory language and treating women as mere objects is fine, just as long as you make sure you’re making a blanket statement about the entire female population and not a specific candidate’s wife, okay?” said Cruz’s senior communications advisor, Jason Miller, repeating nearly verbatim the advice Trump’s aides reportedly gave the GOP frontrunner earlier in the day during a strategy session. “The public’s not as receptive to you attacking Melania directly, so just keep your statements broader when denying women their individual agency and insinuating they have no identity apart from their connection to men and it’ll continue to go over great. Let’s stick with what’s been working.” Advisors from both campaigns assured their candidates they could be as specific as they wanted when making sexist remarks about Hillary Clinton, however.

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