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Best Sports Documentaries

With ESPN’s film ‘OJ: Made In America’ emerging as an Oscars frontrunner this year, Onion Sports looks back at some of the greatest sports documentaries of all time.

New EPA Chief Proposes 30% Cut In All Carbon-Based Organisms

WASHINGTON—Expressing confidence that the nation would meet the ambitious benchmarks by the end of Donald Trump’s presidential term, Scott Pruitt, the president-elect’s nominee for chief of the Environmental Protection Agency, said Thursday he would seek a 30 percent cut in all carbon-based organisms upon assuming office.
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Aerobics Linked To Lousy Music

LOS ANGELES—A UCLA study released Monday demonstrates a strong link between aerobics and lousy music. "In 98 percent of cases where aerobics are being performed, lousy music can be clearly heard in the vicinity," study head Dr. Ronald Braun said. "Whether it's 'Gonna Make You Sweat' by C&C Music Factory or 'Another Night' by Real McCoy, expect to find songs that are in the lousy-to-crappy range wherever there is an aerobics class taking place." When asked if there is any link between the lousy music and the vacuous, airheaded superficiality of aerobics enthusiasts, Braun replied, "Definitely."

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