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Refs Let 49ers Put As Many Men On Field As They Want

SEATTLE—Sighing into the microphone as he stood at the 50-yard line of Centurylink Field, NFL referee Gene Steratore ruled during Sunday’s game that the San Francisco 49ers could put as many men on the field as they want.

Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

‘FanSided’ Ranks All 128 NFL Teams

NEW YORK—As part of its comprehensive professional football coverage in anticipation of the upcoming season, sports news site ‘FanSided’ published an article Tuesday ranking all 128 NFL teams.

Manager Can’t Remember Why He Came Out To Mound

HOUSTON—Visibly irritated with himself as he paced around the pitcher’s plate after calling for time during the fourth inning of their game against the Washington Nationals, Houston Astros manager A.J. Hinch could not remember why he came out to the mound in the first place, sources confirmed Thursday.
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African Child Loves His 'World Champion Seahawks' T-Shirt

KAMPALA, UGANDA—10-year-old Akello Semesseke, wearing the new "World Champion Seattle Seahawks" T-shirt given to him Tuesday by an anonymous NFL-licensed promotions manufacturer, expressed his gratitude for the gift while admitting he was not familiar with the sport of American football. "The Seahawks must be as generous of heart as they are victorious on the field of whatever sport they play to share their clothing with us," said Semesseke, whose entire village was given one each of the teal and gray shirts, with one exception. "My father refused his new shirt," Semesseke explained, "because although he did need one, he felt it would be disrespectful to the World Champion Eagles, who kindly gave him both a shirt and cap last year." Semesseke added that if the Seahawks had included 80 cents a day along with the shirt, he could eat.

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