After-Bar Activities

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A Look At The Class Of 2019

This year’s incoming college freshmen will comprise the graduating class of 2019, with the majority of students born in the year 1997. Here are some facts and figures about these students and their worldview
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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

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Protection

  • Guards Gun Down Four Angels Escaping From Heaven

    THE HEAVENS—Killing four and critically wounding several others, armed guards dispatched from the Right Hand of God reportedly opened fire early Monday morning on a group of angels attempting to escape from heaven. One of the Eternal Kingdom’s...

House and Home

Deadline For Prior User To Remove Clothes From Dryer Extended 5 Minutes

JOHNSON CITY, TN—Upon finding the machine in her apartment building’s laundry room completely untouched since she last stopped by, exasperated local woman Sandra Hermus reportedly mounted all her magnanimity Monday and extended the deadline for the previous user to remove their clothing from the dryer by five minutes.

After-Bar Activities

The bars are closed, but you and your friends still want to hang out. Here are some ways to continue the good times:

  • Have you considered a 24-hour pancake joint? Apparently not, as evidenced by the fact that you're actually reading up on after-bar tips.
  • Studies have shown that sleep has many health benefits. Give it a try!
  • Have a competition to see which of your friends can round up the most stray dogs before the sun comes up.
  • Where there's a burning oil drum under an overpass, there's a toasty vagrant ready to keep the party rolling.
  • Stare in the front window of the bar and watch it being cleaned.
  • While you may not be close to the ocean and it may not be the right time of year, and such a thing may not even exist, a late-night whale-watching cruise would be pretty awesome, you have to admit.
  • For a classic night out with friends, walk 20 feet down the street after leaving the bar, stop to try to figure out what everyone wants to do, walk another 20 feet, stop and discuss again, and then repeat three to six more times until everyone becomes annoyed and just goes home.