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After-Bar Activities

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Man Practices Haircut Request Before Heading To Barber

MINNEAPOLIS—Having scripted a set of lines he hoped to deliver with confidence and decisiveness, local 34-year-old Jason Clyne carefully rehearsed his haircut request several times Friday before heading to his local barbershop, sources confirmed.

Weddings vs. Eloping

Many couples who don’t want to put the time and money toward a wedding simply run off and get married in secret. Here is a side-by-side comparison of planning a wedding and eloping

EPA Urges Flint Residents To Stop Dumping Tap Water Down Drain

FLINT, MI—Citing the significant health and safety risks that it poses to public infrastructure and the local ecosystem, the Environmental Protection Agency released a statement Thursday urging residents of Flint to discontinue dumping tap water down their drains.

New OSHA Regulations To Cut Down On Workplace Mutations

WASHINGTON—In an attempt to address the troubling number of genetic transformations occurring in workplaces across the nation, the United States Occupational Safety and Health Administration unveiled new regulations this week aimed at reducing on-the-job mutations, sources confirmed.

Brita Unveils New In-Throat Water Filters

OAKLAND, CA—Representatives from Brita, the nation’s bestselling brand of household water filtration products, held a press event Wednesday to unveil a new line of filters designed to be installed directly inside users’ throats.

Upcoming Changes To U.S. Currency

Secretary of the Treasury Jack Lew recently announced a series of significant changes to U.S. currency. Here are some of the more notable alterations on the horizon
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Surprises

  • Email From Mom Sent At 5:32 A.M.

    DENVER—After waking up and finding the message waiting on his computer, local man Drew Swanson confirmed to reporters Thursday that his mother had sent him an email at 5:32 a.m.

Holidays

After-Bar Activities

The bars are closed, but you and your friends still want to hang out. Here are some ways to continue the good times:

  • Have you considered a 24-hour pancake joint? Apparently not, as evidenced by the fact that you're actually reading up on after-bar tips.
  • Studies have shown that sleep has many health benefits. Give it a try!
  • Have a competition to see which of your friends can round up the most stray dogs before the sun comes up.
  • Where there's a burning oil drum under an overpass, there's a toasty vagrant ready to keep the party rolling.
  • Stare in the front window of the bar and watch it being cleaned.
  • While you may not be close to the ocean and it may not be the right time of year, and such a thing may not even exist, a late-night whale-watching cruise would be pretty awesome, you have to admit.
  • For a classic night out with friends, walk 20 feet down the street after leaving the bar, stop to try to figure out what everyone wants to do, walk another 20 feet, stop and discuss again, and then repeat three to six more times until everyone becomes annoyed and just goes home.

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