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New EPA Chief Proposes 30% Cut In All Carbon-Based Organisms

WASHINGTON—Expressing confidence that the nation would meet the ambitious benchmarks by the end of Donald Trump’s presidential term, Scott Pruitt, the president-elect’s nominee for chief of the Environmental Protection Agency, said Thursday he would seek a 30 percent cut in all carbon-based organisms upon assuming office.
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After-Bar Activities

The bars are closed, but you and your friends still want to hang out. Here are some ways to continue the good times:

  • Have you considered a 24-hour pancake joint? Apparently not, as evidenced by the fact that you're actually reading up on after-bar tips.
  • Studies have shown that sleep has many health benefits. Give it a try!
  • Have a competition to see which of your friends can round up the most stray dogs before the sun comes up.
  • Where there's a burning oil drum under an overpass, there's a toasty vagrant ready to keep the party rolling.
  • Stare in the front window of the bar and watch it being cleaned.
  • While you may not be close to the ocean and it may not be the right time of year, and such a thing may not even exist, a late-night whale-watching cruise would be pretty awesome, you have to admit.
  • For a classic night out with friends, walk 20 feet down the street after leaving the bar, stop to try to figure out what everyone wants to do, walk another 20 feet, stop and discuss again, and then repeat three to six more times until everyone becomes annoyed and just goes home.

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