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Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

Infographic: 20 Years Of Netflix

Netflix was founded as an online DVD rental service in 1997 and has since evolved into a subscription-based streaming platform with its own slate of original programming. The Onion looks back at the most important moments in the company’s 20-year history.

Musical The Kind With Number About Putting On A Show

TALLAHASSEE, FL—Noting the increasingly animated choreography and behavior of the characters on stage, sources at the Tallahassee Community Theatre reported Friday that this is apparently the kind of musical with a big number about putting on a show.

What To Watch For In The New Obi-Wan Kenobi Film

Disney has announced they are in the early stages of developing a stand-alone ‘Star Wars’ film focused on the adventures of Jedi master Obi-Wan Kenobi. Here’s what fans can expect to see in the upcoming release.
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'After Earth II' Tanks At Box Office

LOS ANGELES—According to box-office returns, the new Will Smith film After Earth II, the sequel to last month’s science-fiction adventure-drama After Earth, performed disastrously in movie theaters over the weekend. “We had hoped and assumed that audiences would be excited to see how the onscreen father-son relationship between and Will and Jaden Smith would develop in a follow-up film, but admittedly the box-office numbers fell short of our expectations,” Columbia Pictures president Doug Belgrad said of the $145 million sequel, which was filmed simultaneously with After Earth last year and scheduled for cinematic release two weeks after the first film’s premiere. “There were hopes that the introduction of Willow Smith as Zenya Raige, the long-lost little sister of Jaden Smith’s character who was raised on another planet, would pique interest, but that unfortunately does not appear to be the case. There are also some indications that the release date was poorly timed.” Studio executives added that returns for the first and second installments of the film franchise did not bode well for next week’s premiere of After Earth III starring Jada Pinkett Smith.

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