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MLB Unveils Memorial For Runners Stranded On Base

NEW YORK—Solemnly ringing a bell 30 times for each of the teams that lost potential runs this season, Major League Baseball officials unveiled Tuesday a memorial outside league headquarters to commemorate all of the runners who have ever been stranded on base.

Dale Earnhardt Jr. Submits Paperwork For Gas Reimbursement

LONG POND, PA—Hunching over the steering wheel of his idling No. 88 Chevrolet SS to closely inspect the odometer, NASCAR driver Dale Earnhardt Jr. was reportedly in the process of submitting paperwork Monday to reimburse his gas expenses for the month.

A-Rod Donates $25 Million To Be Displayed In Glass Case In Baseball Hall Of Fame

COOPERSTOWN, NY—Ensuring that a treasured piece of the game’s history will be forever preserved for future generations of fans, representatives of the National Baseball Hall of Fame confirmed Friday that retired third baseman Alex Rodriguez recently donated $25 million of his earnings to be displayed inside a glass case in their museum.
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After Long Season, Mere Thought Of Double-Play Ball Makes Second Baseman Nauseated

MINNEAPOLIS—Toronto Blue Jays second baseman Aaron Hill told reporters Saturday evening that after 161 games of baseball, the mere thought of a double-play ball rolling toward the middle infield is enough to make him feel physically ill. "As soon as a runner reaches first, my mind starts filling with thoughts of what I'll have to do if a ground ball is hit to myself or [shortstop] Yunel [Escobar], and I actually start gagging," said Hill, going into even more vivid detail surrounding his thoughts of shallow pop flies. "I'm basically just rooting for strike outs and home runs at this point." When asked if he carried the same sentiment with regard to his plate appearances, Hill explained that he stopped swinging at pitches weeks ago.

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