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Report: Grandpa Just Walks Like That Now

CULVER CITY, CA—According to family sources, the prominent limp displayed by local grandpa Marvin Adelstein on Tuesday is indicative of the fact that he just walks like that now.

Family Moves Elderly Aunt Into Subconscious

RIO RANCHO, NM—After months spent deliberating the best option for their family, members of the Cooper household decided on Monday to move their elderly aunt Joyce Reynolds into their collective subconscious.

Wife Dropping Hints She Ready To Have Second Husband

LA JOLLA, CA—Noticing a sudden change in her demeanor and attentiveness when around young married men, sources confirmed Tuesday that area woman Michelle Roderick was beginning to drop hints that she wanted to try for a second husband.
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After One Realizes Methadone Clinic Nearby, Behavior Around City Block Makes Sense

NEW YORK—Though he was once confused by the number of frail, seemingly mentally unstable people concentrated around the Houston and Broadway area of Manhattan, local man Paul Nichols, 38, told reporters Monday that as soon as he figured out there was a methadone clinic nearby, that pretty much explained everything. “Oh, I get it now,” said Nichols, who, during his walk to work, used to wonder why he would regularly see comatose-looking individuals holding cigarettes and murmuring to themselves. “Makes sense.” After learning of the methadone clinic, Nichols reportedly told his coworkers, who then nodded and said they thought that might be what was going on there.

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Family Moves Elderly Aunt Into Subconscious

RIO RANCHO, NM—After months spent deliberating the best option for their family, members of the Cooper household decided on Monday to move their elderly aunt Joyce Reynolds into their collective subconscious.

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