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Listen, Area Boss Gets It

PHILADELPHIA—Readily admitting that everything you’re saying makes a lot of sense, Greenwave Media accounts manager Bryan Mellis confirmed on Wednesday that he totally gets it.

Man Hoping Game Gets Out Of Hand So He Can Do Something Else

DENVER—Settling into his apartment’s cramped living room to watch the midday game, local man Garrett Neubauer told reporters Wednesday that he hoped the televised baseball game between the Colorado Rockies and the San Francisco Giants would get out of hand soon so he could do something else.
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After One Realizes Methadone Clinic Nearby, Behavior Around City Block Makes Sense

NEW YORK—Though he was once confused by the number of frail, seemingly mentally unstable people concentrated around the Houston and Broadway area of Manhattan, local man Paul Nichols, 38, told reporters Monday that as soon as he figured out there was a methadone clinic nearby, that pretty much explained everything. “Oh, I get it now,” said Nichols, who, during his walk to work, used to wonder why he would regularly see comatose-looking individuals holding cigarettes and murmuring to themselves. “Makes sense.” After learning of the methadone clinic, Nichols reportedly told his coworkers, who then nodded and said they thought that might be what was going on there.

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