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Sports

Best Sports Stadiums

As Detroit prepares to demolish and say goodbye to the storied Joe Louis Arena, Onion Sports examines some of the greatest stadiums of all time.

Mom Finds Disturbing Reading Material In Teenage Son’s Bedroom

OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.

Rookie First Baseman Nervous To Chat With Baserunners

ATLANTA—Noting how important it is to make a good first impression, Pittsburgh Pirates rookie first baseman Josh Bell told reporters before Tuesday’s game against the Atlanta Braves that he’s still nervous about chatting with opposing baserunners.

Notable Athlete-Branded Products

With sports stars lending their names to everything from furniture to salsa, Onion Sports breaks down some of the most notable athlete-branded products.

MLB Bans Cruel Practice Of Castrating Mascots

NEW YORK—Saying that the “antiquated and barbaric procedure” has no place in modern baseball, MLB commissioner Rob Manfred announced Monday that the league was banning the brutal practice of castrating mascots.

Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.
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After Success Of London NFL Games, Goodell Thinking About Trying One Game A Year In Jacksonville

NEW YORK—Commissioner Roger Goodell told reporters Monday that given the popularity of NFL games played in London, the league is considering amending its 2014 schedule to include one game each year in Jacksonville, FL. “We believe there is an untapped market in Jacksonville for real American football played between two high-caliber teams,” said Goodell, who noted that there is actually another sport in Jacksonville that they call football, but it mostly involves the ball rolling around on the ground. “This could be a great way of introducing the league to a city that has never experienced the excitement of an authentic NFL game. And if it goes well, who knows? We might even be able to start a franchise there someday.” A recent poll of NFL players revealed that 90 percent would never consider traveling to Jacksonville.

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