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Dwight Howard Clearly Doesn’t Know Team’s Name

WASHINGTON—Noting his confused expression and uncertainty while shouting incorrect nicknames throughout the playoff game, sources confirmed Wednesday night that Atlanta Hawks center Dwight Howard clearly does not know his own team’s name.

Man Tries Using Pink 6-Pound Bowling Ball To Great Amusement

WEST ORANGE, NJ—Seemingly knowing full well that the relatively small and light ball was not designed for someone of his size, sources confirmed Tuesday that 25-year-old Darren Foerstner tried using a pink 6-pound bowling ball for one frame, all to the incredible amusement of friends and onlookers at Eagle Rock Lanes bowling alley.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.
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After Success Of London NFL Games, Goodell Thinking About Trying One Game A Year In Jacksonville

NEW YORK—Commissioner Roger Goodell told reporters Monday that given the popularity of NFL games played in London, the league is considering amending its 2014 schedule to include one game each year in Jacksonville, FL. “We believe there is an untapped market in Jacksonville for real American football played between two high-caliber teams,” said Goodell, who noted that there is actually another sport in Jacksonville that they call football, but it mostly involves the ball rolling around on the ground. “This could be a great way of introducing the league to a city that has never experienced the excitement of an authentic NFL game. And if it goes well, who knows? We might even be able to start a franchise there someday.” A recent poll of NFL players revealed that 90 percent would never consider traveling to Jacksonville.

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