adBlockCheck

Sports

Refs Let 49ers Put As Many Men On Field As They Want

SEATTLE—Sighing into the microphone as he stood at the 50-yard line of Centurylink Field, NFL referee Gene Steratore ruled during Sunday’s game that the San Francisco 49ers could put as many men on the field as they want.

Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

‘FanSided’ Ranks All 128 NFL Teams

NEW YORK—As part of its comprehensive professional football coverage in anticipation of the upcoming season, sports news site ‘FanSided’ published an article Tuesday ranking all 128 NFL teams.
End Of Section
  • More News

After Watching Tom Brady Highlight, Every Man, Woman, And Child In America Dreams Of Love

FOXBOROUGH, MA—Upon seeing a brief, intimate clip of quarterback Tom Brady completing a gorgeous pass at the Patriots’ training camp, the nation drifted into intense visions of love Friday night. “I’ve never felt this way before about anything,” SportsCenter viewer Ron Barragan said Saturday morning, crying softly as he recounted his previous night’s visions to his family. “It was like the entire world was dancing with Tom to one joyful song. It was beautiful. Everything is just beautiful.” When reached for comment, Brady flipped his hair, turned to America, and winked.

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close