adBlockCheck

Sports

OB-GYN Assures Serena Williams Fetus Developing Serve On Schedule

WEST PALM BEACH, FL—Observing that the unborn child was producing the smooth, fluid strokes expected in the third trimester, ob-gyn Dr. Theresa Umbers reportedly assured world No. 4–ranked tennis player Serena Williams at an appointment Tuesday that her fetus was developing its serve right on schedule.

New Report Finds MMA Could Be Bad For Your Knees

LOS ANGELES—Following a 10-year study of more than 500 professional and amateur fighters, a report released Thursday by the UCLA Department of Physiology found that mixed martial arts could be bad for your knees.

Mr. Met’s Son Beginning To Think He Adopted

NEW YORK—Pointing out that there was little physical resemblance between himself and the rest of his family, the 10-year-old son of New York Mets mascot Mr. Met told reporters Tuesday that he was beginning to think he was adopted.

Best Sports Stadiums

As Detroit prepares to demolish and say goodbye to the storied Joe Louis Arena, Onion Sports examines some of the greatest stadiums of all time.

Mom Finds Disturbing Reading Material In Teenage Son’s Bedroom

OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.
End Of Section
  • More News

Ahmad Bradshaw Still Had Pretty Good Weekend Despite Loss To Chargers

EAST RUTHERFORD, NJ—Though the the Chargers dealt the Giants a crushing fourth consecutive loss Sunday, running back Ahmad Bradshaw admitted in a postgame press conference that, overall, he still had a "pretty great" weekend. "Slept in on Saturday—that was nice—and then that night I made enchiladas with my girlfriend and they came out perfect," said Bradshaw, who failed to break into the secondary on any of his 14 carries during the game. "Game day was beautiful. I watched a couple episodes of It's Always Sunny [In Philadelphia] in bed, ate a big breakfast, and then I played a football game for money. So all in all, a pretty great weekend aside from letting down all those Giants fans." Bradshaw then briefly discussed his disappointing 39-yard performance but cut the press conference short to go explore New York City with a friend.

More from this section

New Report Finds MMA Could Be Bad For Your Knees

LOS ANGELES—Following a 10-year study of more than 500 professional and amateur fighters, a report released Thursday by the UCLA Department of Physiology found that mixed martial arts could be bad for your knees.

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close