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Dwight Howard Clearly Doesn’t Know Team’s Name

WASHINGTON—Noting his confused expression and uncertainty while shouting incorrect nicknames throughout the playoff game, sources confirmed Wednesday night that Atlanta Hawks center Dwight Howard clearly does not know his own team’s name.

Man Tries Using Pink 6-Pound Bowling Ball To Great Amusement

WEST ORANGE, NJ—Seemingly knowing full well that the relatively small and light ball was not designed for someone of his size, sources confirmed Tuesday that 25-year-old Darren Foerstner tried using a pink 6-pound bowling ball for one frame, all to the incredible amusement of friends and onlookers at Eagle Rock Lanes bowling alley.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.
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Ailing Buck O'Neil Fails To Gain Admission To Hospital

KANSAS CITY—A fatigue-stricken Buck O'Neil, the 94-year-old former Negro Leagues star, is going to be forced to spend another year patiently waiting to gain admittance into a Kansas City hospital. "Even though his vital statistics don't necessarily warrant entry, we thought he still had an excellent chance of getting in," O'Neil's friend Bob Kendrick said. "When Buck was ultimately rejected, his spirits remained high, but we all know that Buck is hurting on the inside." Kendrick added that, though O'Neil would never say so, all Buck wants is to make it into the hospital before he dies.

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Man Tries Using Pink 6-Pound Bowling Ball To Great Amusement

WEST ORANGE, NJ—Seemingly knowing full well that the relatively small and light ball was not designed for someone of his size, sources confirmed Tuesday that 25-year-old Darren Foerstner tried using a pink 6-pound bowling ball for one frame, all to the incredible amusement of friends and onlookers at Eagle Rock Lanes bowling alley.

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