adBlockCheck

Recent News

Breaking: ACLU Hard As A Fucking Rock Right Now

NEW YORK—In response to President Trump’s declaration that transgendered Americans would no longer be permitted to serve in the military, the ACLU announced Wednesday that it was hard as a fucking rock right now.

Voter Fraud: Myth Vs. Fact

Concerns over fraudulent voting have grown since the 2016 election, with President Trump himself claiming that millions of people voted illegally. The Onion debunks some common myths about voter fraud.
End Of Section
  • More News

Black Man Does 8 Years

GO TO FEATURE

Air Force One Pilot Invites Excited Obama Into Cockpit

WASHINGTON—According to White House officials, Air Force One pilot Col. Scott Turner invited an excited President Obama into the cockpit Thursday, allowing the head of state to increase the throttle and place his hands on the custom-built 747’s steering panel. “Hey, there, little buddy, you want to be my copilot?” Turner was overheard asking the president, who reportedly beamed as the captain’s hat was placed on his head, a set of wings was pinned to his suit lapel, and he was informed that the plane was traveling 600 mph faster than a car. “No! Don’t press that! Just kidding, you can press it. Want to talk to the control tower?” Later, after a shy Obama posed for a picture with Turner, the pilot confirmed he did not vote for the president in November because he is staunchly opposed to the majority of his political and personal beliefs and feels he let the country down in Iraq.

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close