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Biden Opts Out Of Putting Last Few Felonies On Job Application

WASHINGTON—Saying he would be “sitting pretty” if he landed such a primo gig, Vice President Joe Biden reportedly decided Tuesday to leave off several of his most recent felonies while filling out a job application for a blackjack dealer position at the Horseshoe Casino Baltimore.
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Air Force One Pilot Invites Excited Obama Into Cockpit

WASHINGTON—According to White House officials, Air Force One pilot Col. Scott Turner invited an excited President Obama into the cockpit Thursday, allowing the head of state to increase the throttle and place his hands on the custom-built 747’s steering panel. “Hey, there, little buddy, you want to be my copilot?” Turner was overheard asking the president, who reportedly beamed as the captain’s hat was placed on his head, a set of wings was pinned to his suit lapel, and he was informed that the plane was traveling 600 mph faster than a car. “No! Don’t press that! Just kidding, you can press it. Want to talk to the control tower?” Later, after a shy Obama posed for a picture with Turner, the pilot confirmed he did not vote for the president in November because he is staunchly opposed to the majority of his political and personal beliefs and feels he let the country down in Iraq.

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