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President’s American Manufacturing Council Down To CEO Of Shoe Carnival

WASHINGTON—Following a series of resignations from prominent CEOs amid the fallout from President Trump’s handling of white-nationalist violence in Charlottesville, VA, White House sources confirmed Tuesday that Trump’s American Manufacturing Council is now down to a single member, Clifton Sifford, CEO and president of Shoe Carnival.

Listen, Area Boss Gets It

PHILADELPHIA—Readily admitting that everything you’re saying makes a lot of sense, Greenwave Media accounts manager Bryan Mellis confirmed on Wednesday that he totally gets it.

Tide Debuts New Sour Apple Detergent Pods

CINCINNATI—Calling it the perfect choice for consumers looking to add some tartness to their laundry, Procter and Gamble on Tuesday unveiled a new sour apple Tide detergent pod.

The iPhone Turns 10

A decade ago today, Apple released the iPhone and revolutionized the way humans use technology. Here’s a look back at the evolution of the iPhone:

Pros And Cons Of The Gig Economy

Americans are increasingly using on-demand services, both as workers and consumers. Here are the major benefits and drawbacks of the gig economy.

Frontier Airlines Tells Customers To Just Fucking Deal With It

‘You’re Uncomfortable For A Few Hours And Then You Get To Be Somewhere Else,’ Says CEO

DENVER—Noting that some discomfort should be expected while traveling to a faraway place in just a few goddamn hours, officials from ultra-low-cost carrier Frontier Airlines reportedly told customers Thursday to just fucking deal with it.
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Airbnb User Loves How Easy Website Makes It To Ejaculate In Stranger’s Sink

CHARLOTTESVILLE, VA—Citing the website’s easy navigability, wide variety of lodging options, and ability to filter rentals by price range and neighborhood, Airbnb user Elliot Nofzinger told reporters Monday that he loves how straightforward the service makes it to ejaculate into a perfect stranger’s sink. “Airbnb is great—I just go online, scroll through a few photo albums, read some user reviews, and then boom: I’m rubbing one out in the bathroom sink of some guy I don’t even know,” said the 28-year-old traveler, who went on to add that the simplicity of online booking means that anybody can peruse lodging options one day and be aiming their semen into a sink the very next. “I’ve been to eight different places and I haven’t been disappointed yet. You get a nice clean bed, you save a little cash, and you can just grab some of the host’s family photos, line them up on top of the toilet tank, and get to work.” Advocates of the site say it is also ideal for hosts who provide accommodations to Airbnb guests, as the service makes it simple to secretly film a diverse array of masturbators.

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Listen, Area Boss Gets It

PHILADELPHIA—Readily admitting that everything you’re saying makes a lot of sense, Greenwave Media accounts manager Bryan Mellis confirmed on Wednesday that he totally gets it.

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