Airline Part Of Something Called 'Star Alliance'

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Vol 49 Issue 41

October 19

There will be a 10K charity run for lupus research Saturday, so if someone hits you up for a donation in the next couple of days, it’s legit.

Onion Sports’ NFL Week Six Picks

OSN shares its expert analysis on the teams that will come away with victory in this weekend’s NFL week six games: Giants at Bears OSN’s Lock Of The Week: Bears – Eli Manning will throw three picks and Jay Cutler wil...

Intern Strikes Up Friendship With Least-Respected Employee

DENVER—After starting at the company just three weeks ago, 22-year-old Wenger Marketing intern Allison Bennett told reporters Thursday that she has already befriended 36-year-old digital content coordinator Mike Fryer, the least-respected employee i...
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Airline Part Of Something Called 'Star Alliance'

SAN FRANCISCO—Travelers on United Airlines were reportedly unsettled on Thursday after observing that the carrier was part of some sort of mysterious coalition of airlines known as the Star Alliance. “What are they, some sort of galactic fighter force? Have we been recruited as footsoldiers for an impending interplanetary war?” said traveler Bruce Cathcart, adding that he only wanted to visit his sister, not align himself with a secretive group that holds outposts in Tokyo, Frankfurt, and the Epsilon Indi star system. “Who am I now allied against? Do we have enemies? I’m just trying to fly to Atlanta here, not act as a pawn in some interstellar power scheme.” At press time, Cathcart had gotten over his misgivings once a round of complimentary beverages was served.

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