adBlockCheck

A.J. Burnett Blames Poor Outing On Stupid Good Hitters

Top Headlines

Sports

Report: Gonzaga’s In Washington, Right?

NEW YORK—Ahead of the team’s first-round game against Seton Hall in the NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament, a new report released Thursday revealed that Gonzaga is in Washington state, right?

Teary-Eyed Robert Griffin III Slips On Draft Day Suit Again

WASHINGTON—With several tears streaming down his face as he stood alone in his bedroom’s walk-in closet, sources confirmed Wednesday that former Washington Redskins quarterback Robert Griffin III slipped on the suit he wore to the 2012 NFL Draft.
End Of Section
  • More News
Up Next
TV Listings
Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

Special Coverage

Healthy Living

Originality

A.J. Burnett Blames Poor Outing On Stupid Good Hitters

CLEVELAND—After giving up seven earned runs over just five innings against the Indians Tuesday, Blue Jays starter A.J. Burnett told reporters that his ineffectiveness on the mound could be attributed to "the stupid good hitters on the other team who kept hitting all my pitches." "Stupid good hitters, always hitting home runs," said Burnett, responding to a question about his inability to locate the curveball. "I was throwing the ball real fast, but it's like they couldn't miss. Every single guy, too, not just the good ones. Ooh, they think they're so great, getting doubles and triples and RBIs. Stupid bunch of jerks." Burnett added, however, that he would have fared better if his dumb defense could ever catch a ball for once in their lives.

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

X Close