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Refs Let 49ers Put As Many Men On Field As They Want

SEATTLE—Sighing into the microphone as he stood at the 50-yard line of Centurylink Field, NFL referee Gene Steratore ruled during Sunday’s game that the San Francisco 49ers could put as many men on the field as they want.

Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

‘FanSided’ Ranks All 128 NFL Teams

NEW YORK—As part of its comprehensive professional football coverage in anticipation of the upcoming season, sports news site ‘FanSided’ published an article Tuesday ranking all 128 NFL teams.
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A.J. Burnett Blames Poor Outing On Stupid Good Hitters

CLEVELAND—After giving up seven earned runs over just five innings against the Indians Tuesday, Blue Jays starter A.J. Burnett told reporters that his ineffectiveness on the mound could be attributed to "the stupid good hitters on the other team who kept hitting all my pitches." "Stupid good hitters, always hitting home runs," said Burnett, responding to a question about his inability to locate the curveball. "I was throwing the ball real fast, but it's like they couldn't miss. Every single guy, too, not just the good ones. Ooh, they think they're so great, getting doubles and triples and RBIs. Stupid bunch of jerks." Burnett added, however, that he would have fared better if his dumb defense could ever catch a ball for once in their lives.

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