adBlockCheck

Sports

Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.

Dwight Howard Clearly Doesn’t Know Team’s Name

WASHINGTON—Noting his confused expression and uncertainty while shouting incorrect nicknames throughout the playoff game, sources confirmed Wednesday night that Atlanta Hawks center Dwight Howard clearly does not know his own team’s name.

Man Tries Using Pink 6-Pound Bowling Ball To Great Amusement

WEST ORANGE, NJ—Seemingly knowing full well that the relatively small and light ball was not designed for someone of his size, sources confirmed Tuesday that 25-year-old Darren Foerstner tried using a pink 6-pound bowling ball for one frame, all to the incredible amusement of friends and onlookers at Eagle Rock Lanes bowling alley.
End Of Section
  • More News

Al Michaels Asks Cris Collinsworth If They Can Talk About Something Other Than Football

INDIANAPOLIS—NBC play-by-play announcer Al Michaels interrupted the broadcast of the Steelers-Colts game Sunday to ask color commentator Cris Collinsworth if they could talk about something other than football for once. “Cris, can’t we just change the subject for once and have a real discussion about something that matters?” said Michaels, adding that he was sick of dull topics such as dominant NFL teams or how the Steelers should use Rashard Mendenhall in short-yardage situations. “I want to talk like normal men. How’s your wife? What’s your favorite piece of literature? Let’s discuss remodeling projects, childhood memories, or the best weekend trips.” After a short deliberation, Michaels and Collinsworth finally agreed to drop the subject of football and instead talk about the Kansas City Chiefs.

More from this section

Dwight Howard Clearly Doesn’t Know Team’s Name

WASHINGTON—Noting his confused expression and uncertainty while shouting incorrect nicknames throughout the playoff game, sources confirmed Wednesday night that Atlanta Hawks center Dwight Howard clearly does not know his own team’s name.

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close