adBlockCheck

Sports

OB-GYN Assures Serena Williams Fetus Developing Serve On Schedule

WEST PALM BEACH, FL—Observing that the unborn child was producing the smooth, fluid strokes expected in the third trimester, ob-gyn Dr. Theresa Umbers reportedly assured world No. 4–ranked tennis player Serena Williams at an appointment Tuesday that her fetus was developing its serve right on schedule.

New Report Finds MMA Could Be Bad For Your Knees

LOS ANGELES—Following a 10-year study of more than 500 professional and amateur fighters, a report released Thursday by the UCLA Department of Physiology found that mixed martial arts could be bad for your knees.

Mr. Met’s Son Beginning To Think He Adopted

NEW YORK—Pointing out that there was little physical resemblance between himself and the rest of his family, the 10-year-old son of New York Mets mascot Mr. Met told reporters Tuesday that he was beginning to think he was adopted.

Best Sports Stadiums

As Detroit prepares to demolish and say goodbye to the storied Joe Louis Arena, Onion Sports examines some of the greatest stadiums of all time.

Mom Finds Disturbing Reading Material In Teenage Son’s Bedroom

OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.
End Of Section
  • More News

Al Michaels Asks Cris Collinsworth If They Can Talk About Something Other Than Football

INDIANAPOLIS—NBC play-by-play announcer Al Michaels interrupted the broadcast of the Steelers-Colts game Sunday to ask color commentator Cris Collinsworth if they could talk about something other than football for once. “Cris, can’t we just change the subject for once and have a real discussion about something that matters?” said Michaels, adding that he was sick of dull topics such as dominant NFL teams or how the Steelers should use Rashard Mendenhall in short-yardage situations. “I want to talk like normal men. How’s your wife? What’s your favorite piece of literature? Let’s discuss remodeling projects, childhood memories, or the best weekend trips.” After a short deliberation, Michaels and Collinsworth finally agreed to drop the subject of football and instead talk about the Kansas City Chiefs.

More from this section

New Report Finds MMA Could Be Bad For Your Knees

LOS ANGELES—Following a 10-year study of more than 500 professional and amateur fighters, a report released Thursday by the UCLA Department of Physiology found that mixed martial arts could be bad for your knees.

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close