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What You Need To Know About Last Night’s Oscars Debacle

Many viewers were left wondering about the sequence of events that led to the initial erroneous declaration of ‘La La Land’ as the Best Picture winner at the Academy Awards Sunday instead of the real winner, ‘Moonlight’. The Onion breaks down what you need to know about this fiasco.
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Al-Qaeda Marching Band To Join Macy's Parade After Incredible Audition

NEW YORK—Following an audition that "knocked [their] socks off," organizers of the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade announced today they would allow the al-Qaeda Marching Band, the musical performance division of the international terrorist organization, to participate in the 84th-annual holiday event. "Macy's has no affiliation with the political agenda of al-Qaeda and in no way endorses its stated goal of destroying the imperialist secular West," said Bob Carlson, a spokesperson for the department store. "But their choreography is just—wow. The costumes, the sass, the showmanship. These guys brought their A-game, and the drum line is just sensational." Al-Qaeda Marching Band director Ibrahim al-Faisal told reporters being selected to perform in the parade was "a great honor," adding that his group looked forward to wowing the crowd and setting off a dirty bomb in the heart of Manhattan.

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