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Refs Let 49ers Put As Many Men On Field As They Want

SEATTLE—Sighing into the microphone as he stood at the 50-yard line of Centurylink Field, NFL referee Gene Steratore ruled during Sunday’s game that the San Francisco 49ers could put as many men on the field as they want.

Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

‘FanSided’ Ranks All 128 NFL Teams

NEW YORK—As part of its comprehensive professional football coverage in anticipation of the upcoming season, sports news site ‘FanSided’ published an article Tuesday ranking all 128 NFL teams.
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Al-Qaeda Operative Can’t Believe How Expensive Super Bowl Tickets Are

NEW YORK—According to high-ranking al-Qaeda sources, local operative Fasad al-Hashimi reportedly expressed disbelief Thursday over the exorbitant price of Super Bowl tickets, complaining that even the cheapest seats were listing at nearly $2,000. “I can’t imagine anybody wanting to go to this game more than me, but these prices are ridiculous,” said al-Hashimi, adding that only powerful corporate executives and wealthy celebrities could afford to attend the NFL championship game. “Such a rip-off. The fact that the Super Bowl is too expensive for the average person represents everything that is wrong with America.” At press time, al-Hashimi had reportedly decided to shell out $2,500 for a Super Bowl ticket, claiming that the cost was a worthwhile expenditure.

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