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Best Sports Video Games Of All Time

With titles such as ‘FIFA 17’ and ’NBA 2K17’ expected to be popular gifts this holiday season, Onion Sports looks back on some of the best sports video games of all time.

Strongside/Weakside: Ezekiel Elliott

After becoming only the third player in NFL history to rush for 1,000 yards in his first nine games, Dallas Cowboys rookie running back Ezekiel Elliott is an early candidate for league MVP. Is he any good?

Strongside/Weakside: Theo Epstein

In just five seasons, Chicago Cubs president of baseball operations Theo Epstein assembled a team that is competing for the franchise’s first World Series title since 1908. Is he any good?

Jumbotron Really Trying To Push New Third-Down Cheer On Fans

SAN DIEGO—Noting that the phrase had appeared in large blue letters during each of the team’s offensive drives, sources at Qualcomm Stadium confirmed Friday that the Jumbotron was trying really hard to push a new third-down cheer on San Diego Chargers fans.

Strongside/Weakside: Kris Bryant

By leading the Chicago Cubs in hits and home runs en route to their second straight playoff appearance, Kris Bryant has placed himself in the running for the National League MVP. Is he any good?

Rest Of Nation To Penn State: ‘Something Is Very Wrong With All Of You’

WASHINGTON—Stating they felt deeply unnerved by the community’s unwavering and impassioned defense of a football program and administration that enabled child sexual abuse over the course of several decades, the rest of the country informed Penn State University Friday that there is clearly something very wrong with all of them.

Strongside/Weakside: Lamar Jackson

After passing for eight touchdowns and rushing for another 10 in just the first three weeks of the season, Louisville Cardinals sophomore quarterback Lamar Jackson has quickly become the frontrunner to win the Heisman Trophy. Is he any good?
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Alabama Boosters Under Fire After Paying For Nick Saban’s Sex Change

TUSCALOOSA, AL—Drawing widespread condemnation from fans and pundits alike, boosters from the University of Alabama Crimson Tide Foundation are facing heavy criticism after it was revealed Friday that the organization fully funded head football coach Nick Saban’s sex reassignment surgery. “We’re willing to do whatever it takes to keep Coach Saban at Alabama, including covering costs for orchiectomy and penectomy procedures, breast augmentation, and monthly doctor visits throughout the transition process,” said Crimson Tide Foundation spokesperson Keith Stokes, responding to public outcry regarding reports that the group bankrolled more than $50,000 in expenses for the four-time national champion’s ongoing hormonal replacement therapy throughout the past 18 months. “We haven’t broken any NCAA rules, and we have every right to pay for Coach Saban’s facial hair removal through electrolysis, as well as cover aesthetic follow-up procedures to make facial features more feminine. Nicole brought us three national titles and has done so much for our school, so we just want to make sure she’s happy. Roll tide.” The boosters group was reportedly adamant, however, that it had nothing to do with Alabama offensive coordinator Lane Kiffin’s recent vaginoplasty, explaining that the procedure was included as part of the 39-year-old’s severance deal from USC.

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