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Strongside/Weakside: Deshaun Watson

After leading his team to victory in the College Football Playoff National Championship, Clemson University quarterback Deshaun Watson announced he would forgo his final year of eligibility and declare for the NFL Draft. Is he any good?

NFL Implements New Court Date Attire Regulations

NEW YORK—Citing players’ responsibility to represent themselves and the league in a professional manner, the NFL announced a new set of regulations Monday governing the attire that players are allowed to wear during court dates.

Best Sports Documentaries

With ESPN’s film ‘OJ: Made In America’ emerging as an Oscars frontrunner this year, Onion Sports looks back at some of the greatest sports documentaries of all time.

Report: Look How Big Player Is Next To Sideline Reporter

GREEN BAY, WI—Marveling at the pronounced disparity in size during the postgame interview, sources confirmed Sunday that, Jesus Christ, just look at how big Houston Texans nose tackle Vince Wilfork is next to the CBS sideline reporter.

Best Sports Video Games Of All Time

With titles such as ‘FIFA 17’ and ’NBA 2K17’ expected to be popular gifts this holiday season, Onion Sports looks back on some of the best sports video games of all time.

Strongside/Weakside: Ezekiel Elliott

After becoming only the third player in NFL history to rush for 1,000 yards in his first nine games, Dallas Cowboys rookie running back Ezekiel Elliott is an early candidate for league MVP. Is he any good?

Strongside/Weakside: Theo Epstein

In just five seasons, Chicago Cubs president of baseball operations Theo Epstein assembled a team that is competing for the franchise’s first World Series title since 1908. Is he any good?

Jumbotron Really Trying To Push New Third-Down Cheer On Fans

SAN DIEGO—Noting that the phrase had appeared in large blue letters during each of the team’s offensive drives, sources at Qualcomm Stadium confirmed Friday that the Jumbotron was trying really hard to push a new third-down cheer on San Diego Chargers fans.
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Alabama Boosters Under Fire After Paying For Nick Saban’s Sex Change

TUSCALOOSA, AL—Drawing widespread condemnation from fans and pundits alike, boosters from the University of Alabama Crimson Tide Foundation are facing heavy criticism after it was revealed Friday that the organization fully funded head football coach Nick Saban’s sex reassignment surgery. “We’re willing to do whatever it takes to keep Coach Saban at Alabama, including covering costs for orchiectomy and penectomy procedures, breast augmentation, and monthly doctor visits throughout the transition process,” said Crimson Tide Foundation spokesperson Keith Stokes, responding to public outcry regarding reports that the group bankrolled more than $50,000 in expenses for the four-time national champion’s ongoing hormonal replacement therapy throughout the past 18 months. “We haven’t broken any NCAA rules, and we have every right to pay for Coach Saban’s facial hair removal through electrolysis, as well as cover aesthetic follow-up procedures to make facial features more feminine. Nicole brought us three national titles and has done so much for our school, so we just want to make sure she’s happy. Roll tide.” The boosters group was reportedly adamant, however, that it had nothing to do with Alabama offensive coordinator Lane Kiffin’s recent vaginoplasty, explaining that the procedure was included as part of the 39-year-old’s severance deal from USC.

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