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Earth Ranked Number One Party Planet

FRAMINGHAM, MA—Noting its high concentration of nightlife, droves of attractive singles, and atmospheric conditions allowing liquid alcohol to exist, the ‘Princeton Review’ on Monday ranked Earth the Milky Way galaxy’s top party planet for the fifth year in a row.

Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.
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Alabama Quietly Strikes Bo Bice Day From State Calendar

MONTGOMERY, AL—Conceding that there was no longer a need to formally acknowledge the accomplishments of American Idol fourth season runner-up and Alabama native Bo Bice, state officials Friday quietly moved to strike Bo Bice Day from the official state calendar. “The State of Alabama has officially observed Bo Bice Day every May 24th since 2005, and after nine great years, we have decided to discontinue the holiday,” said Alabama Governor Robert J. Bentley, adding that he was still proud of how the vocalist from Huntsville represented the state on national television. “Bo is an exceptional talent, and we wish him the best of luck in his future endeavors.” Bentley went on to confirm that Taylor Hicks Day would continue as scheduled.

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