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‘Star Wars’ Turns 40

When George Lucas’ Star Wars premiered in 1977, the movie quickly became a phenomenon. On its 40th anniversary, The Onion looks back on the franchise’s defining moments:

Ringo Starr Announces 26th Beatles Album With New Backing Band

‘Moonbeam Sunday’ Slated For Release On June 16

LONDON—Excitedly informing fans that the iconic pop group was back with more original music, Ringo Starr announced Tuesday that on June 16 he would be releasing a 26th Beatles album titled ‘Moonbeam Sunday’ with an all-new backing band.
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Alan Colmes' Death Goes Unreported On Hannity & Colmes

WASHINGTON, DC—The accidental death of Alan Colmes, the liberal commentator sometimes featured alongside conservative Sean Hannity, has gone unreported on their Fox News political commentary show for two weeks. "I can't understand why—why the Republicans are afraid to pull the trigger on immigration!" said Hannity, speaking to an empty seat across the set. "Would someone, anyone from the other side of the issue please tell me exactly how you seduced them to the Dumb Side? This is backwards thinking!" Hannity did not attend the funeral held last weekend for Colmes, who, according to anonymous sources within Fox News, was caught in a D.C.-area crosswalk when the light changed, flip-flopped on which way to go, and was struck by a dump-truck.

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