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National Zoo Announces Giant Pandas To Divorce

WASHINGTON—Assuring the public that the decision was difficult but the right thing to do for all parties involved, the Smithsonian National Zoological Park announced Friday that their giant pandas would be divorcing.

New Climate Change Report Just List Of Years Each Country Becomes Uninhabitable

GENEVA—Stating that the data published within its pages represented the scientific consensus of top researchers around the world, the U.N. Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change released its annual report this week, which consists solely of an alphabetized list of every country on earth and the years each of them will become uninhabitable.

Pros And Cons Of Electric Cars

With technology improving and more automobile companies releasing electric models, electric cars are becoming a common alternative for American consumers. Here are the pros and cons of electric vehicles.
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Alaskan Gray Wolf Can't Believe No One Told Him He’s Got Snow On Nose

SITKA, AK—Saying that he feels like an utter moron and is still completely embarrassed, a gray wolf on Thursday told reporters how mortified he is that no one bothered to inform him he had snow all over his nose earlier. “Here I am walking around with snow on my nose like a jackass and no one says a goddamned thing,” the humiliated Alaskan apex predator said, noting that he encountered dozens of wolves that day without a single one overtly, or even furtively, drawing attention to the glaring clump of powder on the top of his snout.  “All day long, all fucking day I look like a buffoon, and not one member of my pack has the decency to say ‘Lick the top of your nose a little’ or ‘Hey, you got a little something there.’ Unbelievable.” At press time, sources confirmed the wolf had not confronted pack members about his grievances and opted instead to take precautionary measures by pawing his nose intermittently whenever he thought they weren’t looking. 

More from this section

New Climate Change Report Just List Of Years Each Country Becomes Uninhabitable

GENEVA—Stating that the data published within its pages represented the scientific consensus of top researchers around the world, the U.N. Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change released its annual report this week, which consists solely of an alphabetized list of every country on earth and the years each of them will become uninhabitable.

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