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Refs Let 49ers Put As Many Men On Field As They Want

SEATTLE—Sighing into the microphone as he stood at the 50-yard line of Centurylink Field, NFL referee Gene Steratore ruled during Sunday’s game that the San Francisco 49ers could put as many men on the field as they want.

Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

‘FanSided’ Ranks All 128 NFL Teams

NEW YORK—As part of its comprehensive professional football coverage in anticipation of the upcoming season, sports news site ‘FanSided’ published an article Tuesday ranking all 128 NFL teams.
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Albert Pujols Sliding Into Everything After Learning To Slide

ST. LOUIS—Sources in the Cardinals organization confirmed Tuesday that, after completing private sliding lessons, Albert Pujols has been sliding feetfirst into equipment, open doorways, dirty laundry, teammates, dugouts, and anything else the three-time NL MVP can possibly slide into. "His technique is nearly perfect, but I can't even warm up without him barreling across the field and sliding into the pitcher's mound," said Cardinals starter Brad Penny, adding that a suds-covered Pujols also slid into him several times last week during a postgame shower. "I'm worried he'll wear himself out by sliding into the on-deck circle over and over again. And there's no reason he should be sliding into the St. Louis Arch." When asked to comment, Pujols slid into a group of reporters.

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