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‘The Princess Bride’ By The Numbers

‘The Princess Bride’ was released 30 years ago today, and it has since become a classic beloved by people of all ages. ‘The Onion’ looks back at ‘The Princess Bride’ 30 years later.

Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

Infographic: 20 Years Of Netflix

Netflix was founded as an online DVD rental service in 1997 and has since evolved into a subscription-based streaming platform with its own slate of original programming. The Onion looks back at the most important moments in the company’s 20-year history.

Musical The Kind With Number About Putting On A Show

TALLAHASSEE, FL—Noting the increasingly animated choreography and behavior of the characters on stage, sources at the Tallahassee Community Theatre reported Friday that this is apparently the kind of musical with a big number about putting on a show.
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Album That Has Nothing On Fleetwood Mac’s ‘Rumours’ Wins Grammy Award

LOS ANGELES—Recognized with one of the ceremony’s most coveted awards, an album that doesn’t even begin to stack up to Fleetwood Mac’s quintessential musical achievement Rumours reportedly won Album of the Year at the Grammys on Sunday night. “Wow, what an honor,” said the recipient of the statuette, an individual who sources confirmed could never create anything even remotely on par with what is indisputably the finest and most well-honed artistic statement in rock music, and, furthermore, who isn’t one-tenth the songwriter that Lindsey Buckingham is. “I just [don’t deserve to be mentioned in the same breath as the brilliant musicians behind Rumours, a record that since its release has captivated millions with its ingenious yet playful compositions, flawless production, and sheer emotional resonance. The Mac’s 1977 masterpiece is truly without parallel, and modern-day pop acts such as myself can only dream of ever of creating anything that begins to approach its unsurpassed brilliance]. Thank you.” According to ceremony attendees, the presentation of the Best Album award followed the evening’s previous announcement of the winners of Best Pop Solo Performance, Song of the Year, and Best New Artist, not one of whom wrote or played on “You Make Loving Fun.”

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Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

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