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Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.

Benny The Bull Busted For Possession Of Unlicensed T-Shirt Gun

CHICAGO—Noting that the suspect had been taken into custody after officers managed to tackle and wrestle the individual to the ground of the United Center concourse, police confirmed Monday that Chicago Bulls mascot Benny the Bull was arrested for possession of an unlicensed T-shirt gun.
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Aldon Smith

49ers Outside Linebacker

Strength: Has no problem with slamming into another human being as hard as he possibly can; Plays four games a year against the Rams and Cardinals offensive lines

Weakness: Tackling license expired months ago; Only concerned with sacking the opposing team’s quarterback, not communicating with him

Finishing Move: Throws football through opponent’s chest, rips out spine

Parents: Two hall-of-fame linebackers

Football Philosophy: Man have ball, Aldon tackle man

DUI To Super Bowl Appearances Ratio: 1 to 1

Lateral Movement: Ferociously scuttles after ball carriers like monstrous crab

Toughness: Relentlessly plays through injuries, blood-curdling screams of competitors

Most Memorable Sack: Trick question—is unable to form new memories

Additional Information: None

NEXT: John Harbaugh

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