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Aldon Smith

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How The IOC Plans To Address Doping

In light of its recent decision not to bar Russian athletes from competing in Rio despite their use of performance-enhancing drugs, the International Olympic Committee is working to establish more effective protocols to keep the Games drug-free. Here are some ways the IOC plans to address doping:
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Aldon Smith

49ers Outside Linebacker

Strength: Has no problem with slamming into another human being as hard as he possibly can; Plays four games a year against the Rams and Cardinals offensive lines

Weakness: Tackling license expired months ago; Only concerned with sacking the opposing team’s quarterback, not communicating with him

Finishing Move: Throws football through opponent’s chest, rips out spine

Parents: Two hall-of-fame linebackers

Football Philosophy: Man have ball, Aldon tackle man

DUI To Super Bowl Appearances Ratio: 1 to 1

Lateral Movement: Ferociously scuttles after ball carriers like monstrous crab

Toughness: Relentlessly plays through injuries, blood-curdling screams of competitors

Most Memorable Sack: Trick question—is unable to form new memories

Additional Information: None

NEXT: John Harbaugh

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