adBlockCheck

Sports

Refs Let 49ers Put As Many Men On Field As They Want

SEATTLE—Sighing into the microphone as he stood at the 50-yard line of Centurylink Field, NFL referee Gene Steratore ruled during Sunday’s game that the San Francisco 49ers could put as many men on the field as they want.

Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

‘FanSided’ Ranks All 128 NFL Teams

NEW YORK—As part of its comprehensive professional football coverage in anticipation of the upcoming season, sports news site ‘FanSided’ published an article Tuesday ranking all 128 NFL teams.
End Of Section
  • More News

Aldon Smith Quietly Relieved Terrorist Plot Wasn’t Totally Compromised

LOS ANGELES—Following his recent arrest at Los Angeles International Airport for making an alleged bomb threat, sources close to San Francisco 49ers linebacker Aldon Smith confirmed Tuesday that the 24-year-old is simply relieved his covert plot for an upcoming terrorist attack was not fully compromised. “It’s a minor setback, but we should be able to continue moving ahead once the dust settles,” Smith reportedly said while on a pay phone, stressing repeatedly that “they don’t know anything.” “Everything is fine—they thought the bomb thing was a joke. The operation is still set for May 16. Remember: 9 a.m. sharp.” At press time, Smith had reportedly left a small unmarked package in a locker at a downtown San Jose bus station and casually walked away.

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close