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MLB Unveils Memorial For Runners Stranded On Base

NEW YORK—Solemnly ringing a bell 30 times for each of the teams that lost potential runs this season, Major League Baseball officials unveiled Tuesday a memorial outside league headquarters to commemorate all of the runners who have ever been stranded on base.

Dale Earnhardt Jr. Submits Paperwork For Gas Reimbursement

LONG POND, PA—Hunching over the steering wheel of his idling No. 88 Chevrolet SS to closely inspect the odometer, NASCAR driver Dale Earnhardt Jr. was reportedly in the process of submitting paperwork Monday to reimburse his gas expenses for the month.

A-Rod Donates $25 Million To Be Displayed In Glass Case In Baseball Hall Of Fame

COOPERSTOWN, NY—Ensuring that a treasured piece of the game’s history will be forever preserved for future generations of fans, representatives of the National Baseball Hall of Fame confirmed Friday that retired third baseman Alex Rodriguez recently donated $25 million of his earnings to be displayed inside a glass case in their museum.
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Alex Ovechkin Having Trouble Following Puck On TV

WASHINGTON—Lying on his sofa and flipping through channels Saturday night, Washington Capitals forward Alex Ovechkin settled on a televised hockey game for a few minutes, but reportedly had trouble keeping track of the puck. "It’s going all over the place and it's moving so fast—how is anyone supposed to follow the thing, let alone enjoy watching it?" asked Ovechkin, adding that he had never heard of any of the players on the ice and hadn’t even realized Nashville had a hockey team. "I guess I'd like it more if there were more goals. A lot of my friends say it's better to watch a game in person, but I've been to a few and they're just sort of okay, I guess." After becoming frustrated with the various colored lines and circles on the surface and the seemingly arbitrary "icing" penalty, Ovechkin gave up, watched 20 minutes of a college basketball game, and fell asleep.

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