Alex Rodriguez Nervously Awaiting Invitation To Spring Training

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Vol 43 Issue 07

FBI Loses Laptops And Guns

According to a recent report, 160 laptops have been lost or stolen from the FBI, as well as 160 weapons. What do you think?

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John Amaechi Comes Out As Former NBA Player

STOCKPORT, ENGLAND—British homosexual John Amaechi sent shockwaves throughout the sporting world last week when he announced, much to the surprise of his family and friends—in addition to NBA players and fans—that he lived a...
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Alex Rodriguez Nervously Awaiting Invitation To Spring Training

NEW YORK—All-Star third-baseman and Yankee roster hopeful Alex Rodriguez is still anxiously waiting to receive official word that he has been invited to join the team in Florida for 2007 Spring Training, Rodriguez reported Monday. "I'm still confident, but I heard that Derek [Jeter] and Jorge [Posada] already got theirs, so I don't know what's taking so long," said Rodriguez, who has spent the past four hours peering out his front window waiting for the mail truck to drive by. "Maybe I should call the Yankees to make sure they sent it to my right address? They wouldn't have cut me. No. Certainly not. I'm sure there's a simple explanation for all this, and I'm just obsessing over nothing. Oh God, what if I was traded?" Rodriguez added that, should he not be formally invited to spring training, he will nonetheless show up, act like he's supposed to be there, and hope no one notices.

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