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Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

Infographic: 20 Years Of Netflix

Netflix was founded as an online DVD rental service in 1997 and has since evolved into a subscription-based streaming platform with its own slate of original programming. The Onion looks back at the most important moments in the company’s 20-year history.

Musical The Kind With Number About Putting On A Show

TALLAHASSEE, FL—Noting the increasingly animated choreography and behavior of the characters on stage, sources at the Tallahassee Community Theatre reported Friday that this is apparently the kind of musical with a big number about putting on a show.

What To Watch For In The New Obi-Wan Kenobi Film

Disney has announced they are in the early stages of developing a stand-alone ‘Star Wars’ film focused on the adventures of Jedi master Obi-Wan Kenobi. Here’s what fans can expect to see in the upcoming release.
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Alex Trebek Deftly Prolongs Agonizing Small Talk

BURBANK, CA–Alex Trebek, host of the popular quiz show Jeopardy, deftly prolonged a mid-show chat with contestant Paula Riel into an agonizing 45 seconds Monday. "So, do you meet many interesting or famous people in your job?" Trebek asked Riel, a 33-year-old Norwalk, CT, flight attendant, during the informal "meet the contestants" portion of the broadcast. Upon hearing that Riel had once served a Diet Coke to actor Jeff Daniels, Trebek responded, "He's a very talented actor, although I understand that his latest film was not such a big hit. That's very unfortunate for him." Riel responded by nodding in a non-committal manner.

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