adBlockCheck

Alfonso Soriano Regrets Joining 40-40 Club After Meeting Other Members

Top Headlines

Sports

Report: Gonzaga’s In Washington, Right?

NEW YORK—Ahead of the team’s first-round game against Seton Hall in the NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament, a new report released Thursday revealed that Gonzaga is in Washington state, right?

Teary-Eyed Robert Griffin III Slips On Draft Day Suit Again

WASHINGTON—With several tears streaming down his face as he stood alone in his bedroom’s walk-in closet, sources confirmed Wednesday that former Washington Redskins quarterback Robert Griffin III slipped on the suit he wore to the 2012 NFL Draft.
End Of Section
  • More News
Up Next
TV Listings
Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

Special Coverage

Originality

Alfonso Soriano Regrets Joining 40-40 Club After Meeting Other Members

WASHINGTON, DC—Upon recording his 40th stolen base of the season, in addition to his 45 home runs, and gaining entry into baseball's exclusive 40-40 club, Nationals left-fielder Alfonso Soriano said that after meeting the other three members—Jose Canseco, Barry Bonds, and Alex Rodriguez—he now understands why no one has joined in the past eight years. "From all I had heard, this club was going to give me the opportunity to be among the greats of the game, but it turns out there's only three guys here, and one of them—this big, dumb guy who I still have no idea how he got in—kept asking me what kind of steroids I take and if I knew anyone else who took them," Soriano said. "I thought this was supposed to be an elite club, but it looks like they'll let just about any asshole in." Soriano later announced plans to reach the 50-50 plateau as soon as possible so he could "get out before A-Rod asks [him] for some help with his swing again."

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

X Close