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Alfonso Soriano Regrets Joining 40-40 Club After Meeting Other Members

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Kevin Durant Wins Gold In Men’s Individual Basketball

RIO DE JANEIRO—Beating out Serbian Nikola Jokic by .87 points in order to claim the all-around title, U.S. forward Kevin Durant won Olympic gold Friday in men’s individual basketball, becoming the first man to win consecutive golds in the competition since Gary Payton at the 1996 and 2000 Games.

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RIO DE JANEIRO—Immediately recognizing the booming, thunderous voice he hadn’t heard since he was 5 years old as he warmed up ahead of his first heat in the 200-meter individual medley, U.S. Olympic swimmer Michael Phelps reportedly spotted his long-estranged father, Poseidon, God of the Sea, cheering for him Thursday in the stands of the Olympic Aquatics Stadium.
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Alfonso Soriano Regrets Joining 40-40 Club After Meeting Other Members

WASHINGTON, DC—Upon recording his 40th stolen base of the season, in addition to his 45 home runs, and gaining entry into baseball's exclusive 40-40 club, Nationals left-fielder Alfonso Soriano said that after meeting the other three members—Jose Canseco, Barry Bonds, and Alex Rodriguez—he now understands why no one has joined in the past eight years. "From all I had heard, this club was going to give me the opportunity to be among the greats of the game, but it turns out there's only three guys here, and one of them—this big, dumb guy who I still have no idea how he got in—kept asking me what kind of steroids I take and if I knew anyone else who took them," Soriano said. "I thought this was supposed to be an elite club, but it looks like they'll let just about any asshole in." Soriano later announced plans to reach the 50-50 plateau as soon as possible so he could "get out before A-Rod asks [him] for some help with his swing again."

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