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Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.

Archaeologists Uncover Last Human To Die Happy

DEMBECHA, ETHIOPIA—In a startling find that contributes significantly to the understanding of modern man’s evolutionary development, University of Edinburgh archaeologists working in Ethiopia’s Afar Region announced Wednesday that they have uncovered the preserved remains of the last human to die happy.
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Alito Keeps Telling Supreme Court How They Did Things In Circuit Court

WASHINGTON, DC—Supreme Court sources say the "Third Circuit anecdotes" told by newest associate justice Samuel Alito are irritating his colleagues. "This morning, he told us how the Third Circuit judges write their opinions at home," Justice Clarence Thomas said. "I don't care what they do on the Third Circuit, Justice Alito should compose his opinions in the office." Sources say Alito also has "an annoying habit of mentioning that he was the editor of his high-school yearbook."
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