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Rookie First Baseman Nervous To Chat With Baserunners

ATLANTA—Noting how important it is to make a good first impression, Pittsburgh Pirates rookie first baseman Josh Bell told reporters before Tuesday’s game against the Atlanta Braves that he’s still nervous about chatting with opposing baserunners.

Notable Athlete-Branded Products

With sports stars lending their names to everything from furniture to salsa, Onion Sports breaks down some of the most notable athlete-branded products.

MLB Bans Cruel Practice Of Castrating Mascots

NEW YORK—Saying that the “antiquated and barbaric procedure” has no place in modern baseball, MLB commissioner Rob Manfred announced Monday that the league was banning the brutal practice of castrating mascots.

Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.

Dwight Howard Clearly Doesn’t Know Team’s Name

WASHINGTON—Noting his confused expression and uncertainty while shouting incorrect nicknames throughout the playoff game, sources confirmed Wednesday night that Atlanta Hawks center Dwight Howard clearly does not know his own team’s name.
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All 32 NFL Teams Announce They Are Underdogs Headed Into 2010 Season

NEW YORK—Just days before the start of the season, representatives from every NFL franchise have come forward to state that they are not going to let doubters hold them back, and that they are using "all the hate" as fuel for the 2010 campaign. "All those people out there betting against us are just more motivation to shock the world," said running back Reggie Bush of the defending Super Bowl champion and preseason Super Bowl-favorite Saints, echoing the sentiments of the Super Bowl runner-up Indianapolis Colts, the NFC runner-up Minnesota Vikings, and every other player and coach around the league. "No one's giving us a chance, but we prefer it this way. We're fine flying under the radar all season." Every NFL team later went on to guarantee it would make the playoffs, with the exception of the St. Louis Rams, who said their underdog status made complete sense because they are a "horrendous, just absolutely horrendous, football team."

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MLB Bans Cruel Practice Of Castrating Mascots

NEW YORK—Saying that the “antiquated and barbaric procedure” has no place in modern baseball, MLB commissioner Rob Manfred announced Monday that the league was banning the brutal practice of castrating mascots.

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