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OB-GYN Assures Serena Williams Fetus Developing Serve On Schedule

WEST PALM BEACH, FL—Observing that the unborn child was producing the smooth, fluid strokes expected in the third trimester, ob-gyn Dr. Theresa Umbers reportedly assured world No. 4–ranked tennis player Serena Williams at an appointment Tuesday that her fetus was developing its serve right on schedule.

New Report Finds MMA Could Be Bad For Your Knees

LOS ANGELES—Following a 10-year study of more than 500 professional and amateur fighters, a report released Thursday by the UCLA Department of Physiology found that mixed martial arts could be bad for your knees.

Mr. Met’s Son Beginning To Think He Adopted

NEW YORK—Pointing out that there was little physical resemblance between himself and the rest of his family, the 10-year-old son of New York Mets mascot Mr. Met told reporters Tuesday that he was beginning to think he was adopted.

Best Sports Stadiums

As Detroit prepares to demolish and say goodbye to the storied Joe Louis Arena, Onion Sports examines some of the greatest stadiums of all time.

Mom Finds Disturbing Reading Material In Teenage Son’s Bedroom

OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.
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All 32 NFL Teams Eagerly Lining Up For Chance To Sign Randy Moss, Reports Randy Moss

SAN FRANCISCO—With NFL free agency looming, every team across the league is gearing up to compete for coveted star wide receiver Randy Moss, wide receiver Randy Moss reported Saturday. “After leading the 49ers to the Super Bowl with yet another stellar season, Randy Moss is going to be the hottest free agent pickup of 2013,” said Moss, adding that the San Francisco front office will do their utmost to re-sign the 35-year-old wideout, but will face incredibly stiff competition from the other 31 NFL franchises. “Teams are already clearing cap space and making room on their roster just in case they have a shot at landing Moss. He’s far and away the best receiver in the league, so frankly even the slightest prospect of signing him is enough to have every GM excited.”

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New Report Finds MMA Could Be Bad For Your Knees

LOS ANGELES—Following a 10-year study of more than 500 professional and amateur fighters, a report released Thursday by the UCLA Department of Physiology found that mixed martial arts could be bad for your knees.

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