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Milestones In X Games History

With the X Games kicking off in Minneapolis this Thursday, The Onion looks back at memorable moments in the event’s 22-year history:

ESPN Holds Daytime ESPYs

HARTFORD, CT—Recognizing the best in sports programming that occurs on weekdays from 9 a.m. to 5 p.m., ESPN held the Daytime ESPY Awards at the Hartford XL Center Wednesday afternoon.

Man Hoping Game Gets Out Of Hand So He Can Do Something Else

DENVER—Settling into his apartment’s cramped living room to watch the midday game, local man Garrett Neubauer told reporters Wednesday that he hoped the televised baseball game between the Colorado Rockies and the San Francisco Giants would get out of hand soon so he could do something else.

OB-GYN Assures Serena Williams Fetus Developing Serve On Schedule

WEST PALM BEACH, FL—Observing that the unborn child was producing the smooth, fluid strokes expected in the third trimester, ob-gyn Dr. Theresa Umbers reportedly assured world No. 4–ranked tennis player Serena Williams at an appointment Tuesday that her fetus was developing its serve right on schedule.

New Report Finds MMA Could Be Bad For Your Knees

LOS ANGELES—Following a 10-year study of more than 500 professional and amateur fighters, a report released Thursday by the UCLA Department of Physiology found that mixed martial arts could be bad for your knees.
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All Hail The Toad!

Hey OSNation!

The Toad is BACK in 2011 and he's slinging predictions like he's running out of fish heads! Go ahead and double check his picks at your own peril; the Toad senses doubt and he will absolutely spew ink all over anyone that doesn't respect his powers!

Just in case you forgot, here's the Toad's recent resume:

  • Knew John Fox would finish his Panthers career 2-14 and later helm the Broncos
  • To date, is dead on predicting when and how Terrell Owens' cries for help would take place
  • Has forecast every single major world tragedy for the past 14 years
  • Has nailed the breed of all the Westminster Dog Show winner, even the beagle
  • Never sleeps, instead muttering the day-to-day signings and transactions of the Houston Astros
  • Ate the octopus that predicted the World Cup winners
  • Predicted Josh McDaniels' firing seven years ago (in the same sentence, predicted McDaniels would be 'consumed by fire slime' so look for that!)

Got a question for the Toad? Post a comment on the Onion SportsDome Facebook wall.

More from this section

Milestones In X Games History

With the X Games kicking off in Minneapolis this Thursday, The Onion looks back at memorable moments in the event’s 22-year history:

ESPN Holds Daytime ESPYs

HARTFORD, CT—Recognizing the best in sports programming that occurs on weekdays from 9 a.m. to 5 p.m., ESPN held the Daytime ESPY Awards at the Hartford XL Center Wednesday afternoon.

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