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National Zoo Announces Giant Pandas To Divorce

WASHINGTON—Assuring the public that the decision was difficult but the right thing to do for all parties involved, the Smithsonian National Zoological Park announced Friday that their giant pandas would be divorcing.

New Climate Change Report Just List Of Years Each Country Becomes Uninhabitable

GENEVA—Stating that the data published within its pages represented the scientific consensus of top researchers around the world, the U.N. Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change released its annual report this week, which consists solely of an alphabetized list of every country on earth and the years each of them will become uninhabitable.

Pros And Cons Of Electric Cars

With technology improving and more automobile companies releasing electric models, electric cars are becoming a common alternative for American consumers. Here are the pros and cons of electric vehicles.
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All Of Math Teacher's Examples Involve Moon Pies

BAY CITY, MI—According to sources at Bay City Middle School, all of 51-year-old math teacher Lance Stonitch's in-class examples express numbers in quantities of Moon Pies, the snack item consisting of marshmallow fluff packed between round graham crackers and coated with chocolate, vanilla, or banana icing. "Let's say Jimmy and Janie eat 40 Moon Pies in two weeks," Stonitch said Monday. "Their friends John and Joe are coming to visit for two days, and John and Joe eat Moon Pies twice as fast as Jimmy and Janie. How many Moon Pies does Jimmy need to buy the week of the visit, to have enough Moon Pies for everyone?" While most of Stonitch's students have no idea what a Moon Pie is, eighth-grader Trace Crutchfield said, "Whenever Mr. Stonitch says 'Moon Pies,' we just think of that as a generic unit."

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