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Best Sports Documentaries

With ESPN’s film ‘OJ: Made In America’ emerging as an Oscars frontrunner this year, Onion Sports looks back at some of the greatest sports documentaries of all time.

New EPA Chief Proposes 30% Cut In All Carbon-Based Organisms

WASHINGTON—Expressing confidence that the nation would meet the ambitious benchmarks by the end of Donald Trump’s presidential term, Scott Pruitt, the president-elect’s nominee for chief of the Environmental Protection Agency, said Thursday he would seek a 30 percent cut in all carbon-based organisms upon assuming office.
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All U.S. Males Renamed Dudley

WASHINGTON, DC—An emergency session of Congress rushed into passage Monday legislation changing the first names of all American males to Dudley. "Dudley is a great name," said House Majority Leader Dudley Gingrich, explaining the move. President Dudley Clinton signed the bill late Monday night. "Though I felt that Otto was a better choice for a new name, I am satisfied with the compromise that has been reached," Clinton said. The only males who will not be named Dudley are those who already had the name. Those males will be re-named Ira.

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