A shocking new study that asked teen boys about their sexual habits reveals that they are all having sex all the time and are really, really good at having it.
EUGENE, ORResident Mark Eisenfeld was taken to task by fellow citizens Tuesday for helping a lost and apparently senile elderly man find his way home. "Ooh, look at me, I'm gonna drop everything I'm doing to personally aid some old man I've never seen before," said freelance writer Eric Bergstrom, who was eating at a local diner when he saw Eisenfeld buy the confused man a cup of coffee and ask him where he lived. "Because, you know, it's not like there's cops or emergency workers trained to do that stuff. Must be nice having all that free time to be a big hero. What a stuck-up prick." As of press time, Eisenfeld's ulterior motive had not been determined.