Amateur-Photography Tips

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Strongside/Weakside: Jurgen Klinsmann

Despite leading the U.S. men’s national team through the so-called “Group of Death” in the 2014 World Cup, Jurgen Klinsmann has come under heavy criticism this week after his side finished fourth in the 2015 Gold Cup. Is he any good?

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Amateur-Photography Tips

Photography can be a fun and rewarding hobby. Here are some helpful hints to get aspiring shutterbugs started:

Girl with camera.


  • If you're unsure how your pictures are coming along, don't be afraid to open the camera and hold the film up to the sun for a sneak peek.
  • Some photographers use a tripod for stability, but for maximum steadiness, use a dodecapod.
  • Variety is key! For a change of pace, try folding back the labial lips.
  • If surrounded by a group of thugs who want to steal your camera, simply fawn over them and insist that you can make them stars.
  • Shutter speed is crucial in photography somehow.
  • Don't take your film to Walgreens for development. Those guys are, like, Nazis.
  • Rather than gawking at attractive women who pass you on the street, take a picture. It will last longer.
  • Make sure the subjects of your photos are always smiling. No one likes a frowny-face.
  • Amaze your friends with the remarkable Mini Secret Spy Camera! Fits in pocket. Undetectable. Weighs 2 1/2 oz. Precision ground lens. Film included. Super! . . . . . . . . . . . . . $1.25
  • Vinnie DiResta of Brooklyn, NY, has got something you can take a picture of right here.
  • Dogs wearing funny hats always make for a powerful artistic statement.
  • European photo magazines are an excellent way to see naked women without feeling like a dirty lech.
  • Kodachrome film will give you the nice bright colors, give you the greens of summer, make you think all the world's a sunny day. Oh, yeah.
  • Avoid photographing Native Americans, because they believe taking a picture steals a part of a person's soul. Instead, take pictures of Germans. They eat that shit up.