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Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.

Archaeologists Uncover Last Human To Die Happy

DEMBECHA, ETHIOPIA—In a startling find that contributes significantly to the understanding of modern man’s evolutionary development, University of Edinburgh archaeologists working in Ethiopia’s Afar Region announced Wednesday that they have uncovered the preserved remains of the last human to die happy.
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Amazing Medical Discovery To Add Years Of Fish-Oil Consumption To Man's Life

ORLAND, IN—Amazing new medical findings concerning the cholesterol-regulating properties of omega-3 fatty acids could offer Indiana resident Alex Kessler five to 10 more years of pouring fish oil on everything from salads to pasta or consuming it in capsule form.

"This discovery has totally changed my life," said Kessler, who vowed to swallow the foul-tasting oil in protein shakes and choke down trout fillet after trout fillet. "And if I really stick with it, why, I bet I could keep on cutting unnecessary carbs and doing yoga every day until I'm 90."

Kessler, 36, began taking his health more seriously after the 2006 death of his father, who passed away in his sleep at 68 after getting drunk with friends at a backyard barbecue and eating the best ribs of his life.

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