adBlockCheck

Politics

Rural Working-Class Archbishops Come Out In Droves To Welcome Trump To Vatican

VATICAN CITY—Arriving in their dusty pickup trucks from as far away as the dioceses of Oria and Locri-Gerace to express their support for a leader who they say embodies their interests and defends their way of life, droves of rural working-class archbishops reportedly poured into St. Peter’s Square today to greet U.S. president Donald Trump during his visit to the Vatican.

Trump: ‘I Am A Very Stupid Human Being’

WASHINGTON—Responding to a damning ‘Washington Post’ report alleging he had shared highly classified information with Russian officials, President Donald Trump addressed the concerns of the press, his fellow government officials, and the public at large Tuesday by announcing that he was an incredibly stupid human being.

Escalating Tensions Lead Trump To Shake Up Inner Circle Of TV Programs

WASHINGTON—Saying the decision arose out of the necessity to weed out certain key members whose values no longer aligned with the president’s, White House spokesman Sean Spicer told reporters Thursday that escalating tensions have led President Trump to shake up his inner circle of television programs.
End Of Section
  • More News

Ambassador Holding Phrasebook 'Pretty Sure' She Just Strengthened Ties With Pakistan

KARACHI—Armed with a brand-new Urdu phrasebook, the U.S. ambassador to Pakistan, Anne Patterson, said at a press conference Wednesday that she was "fairly certain" she had strengthened her country's bonds of friendship with Pakistan during a recent trip to the country. "Pakistan is an important partner in the region, and I got the general sense that I successfully affirmed our everlasting commitment to their great nation," said Patterson, who described a much-needed moment of levity during the talks when she may or may not have made a joke about growing up in Arkansas. "And, judging by the way [Pakistani ambassador Husain Haqqani] smiled when I was done talking, America has committed an additional $60 million in aid for victims of the recent floods. Unless it was $600 million." Haq≠qani told reporters he speaks fluent English.

More from this section

Trump: ‘I Am A Very Stupid Human Being’

WASHINGTON—Responding to a damning ‘Washington Post’ report alleging he had shared highly classified information with Russian officials, President Donald Trump addressed the concerns of the press, his fellow government officials, and the public at large Tuesday by announcing that he was an incredibly stupid human being.

Escalating Tensions Lead Trump To Shake Up Inner Circle Of TV Programs

WASHINGTON—Saying the decision arose out of the necessity to weed out certain key members whose values no longer aligned with the president’s, White House spokesman Sean Spicer told reporters Thursday that escalating tensions have led President Trump to shake up his inner circle of television programs.

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close