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America Ends Love Affair With McKayla Maroney After Finding Out She’s 16

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America Ends Love Affair With McKayla Maroney After Finding Out She’s 16

WASHINGTON—Just two months after the close of the 2012 Summer Olympics in London, the nation’s love affair with gold-medal-winning gymnast McKayla Maroney came to an abrupt end Tuesday after Americans discovered she is only 16 years old. “Whoa,” 31-year-old Greg Adamko said upon learning that Maroney was born in 1995, adding that he “totally thought she was at least 19.” “I mean, it’s not like I ever—Jesus Christ, 16? Are you sure? Shit.” At press time, sources confirmed that citizens across the country were quickly deleting their Internet histories.

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