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Most Valuable Sports Memorabilia

Sports collectibles have skyrocketed in popularity over the past several decades, with sales of such items as game-worn jerseys and autographed rookie cards generating billions of dollars each year. Onion Sports examines the most sought-after and highly valued sports memorabilia in the world.

Sixth Super Bowl Win Continues To Elude Patriots

HOUSTON—As disappointed players and coaches returned to the locker room following the end of Super Bowl LI, members of the New England Patriots acknowledged to reporters Sunday that the team’s sixth Super Bowl title continues to elude them.

Greatest Super Bowl Halftime Shows

The Super Bowl halftime show is a long tradition as occasionally exciting as the game itself. The Onion takes a look back at the all-time greatest Super Bowl halftime shows.

NFL Loses Rights To ‘Super Bowl’

NEW YORK—After failing to agree to terms for a new licensing agreement before the February 3 deadline, the NFL lost the rights to the term “Super Bowl” on Friday, sources confirmed.

Keys To The Matchup: Packers vs. Falcons

The NFC Championship Game pits the Atlanta Falcons against the Green Bay Packers for the rare chance to play a meaningful game in Houston. Onion Sports breaks down what each team must do to win.
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America Just Now Remembering How Much They Hate Dallas

WASHINGTON—After feelings of elation over the Miami Heat losing the NBA Finals started to fade this week, Americans across the country suddenly began to remember how much they actually hate the city of Dallas, the Mavericks, and their “total fucking asshole” owner Mark Cuban. “Don’t get me wrong, I loved watching those pricks on the Heat lose, but around Wednesday I was like, ‘Wait a minute—if it were any other Finals matchup, I would have been rooting really hard against the Mavericks because I absolutely hate Dallas and always have,’” Chicago resident Keith Thompson told reporters Thursday. “It’s an awful place with terrible fans and overpaid players, and to be honest, I could actually care less about Dirk Nowitzki finally winning an NBA title. And fuck, Jason Kidd? That guy’s a piece-of-shit wifebeater. Ah, yes, it’s all coming back to me now.” Americans who said they found themselves smiling when Mark Cuban held up the Larry O’Brien Trophy confirmed they now think back on that moment with despair and wonder what kind of terrible human beings they must actually be to have such revolting impulses.

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Sixth Super Bowl Win Continues To Elude Patriots

HOUSTON—As disappointed players and coaches returned to the locker room following the end of Super Bowl LI, members of the New England Patriots acknowledged to reporters Sunday that the team’s sixth Super Bowl title continues to elude them.

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