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Pros And Cons Of The Gig Economy

Americans are increasingly using on-demand services, both as workers and consumers. Here are the major benefits and drawbacks of the gig economy.

Frontier Airlines Tells Customers To Just Fucking Deal With It

‘You’re Uncomfortable For A Few Hours And Then You Get To Be Somewhere Else,’ Says CEO

DENVER—Noting that some discomfort should be expected while traveling to a faraway place in just a few goddamn hours, officials from ultra-low-cost carrier Frontier Airlines reportedly told customers Thursday to just fucking deal with it.

Helpful Man Saves Woman Effort Of Telling Idea To Boss Herself

ATLANTA—In an unprompted act of generosity from one coworker to another, Spryte Logistics employee Ben Graham reportedly took the initiative to share one of Emily Fehrman’s ideas with their boss on Friday, saving her the time and effort of doing it herself.

Fisher-Price Releases New In Utero Fetal Activity Gym

EAST AURORA, NY—Touting it as the perfect tool for entertaining and stimulating the fetus during gestation, Fisher-Price announced the release Wednesday of a new in utero activity gym. “Whether they’re batting at the friendly toucans in order to harden their cartilage into bone or tapping the multicolored light-up palm tree to test out their sense of vision once their eyes open at 28 weeks, the Fisher-Price Rainforest Friends Prenatal Activity Gym is guaranteed to give your fetus a head start and keep it happy and occupied,” said director of marketing Kevin Goldbaum.

It Kind Of Sweet CEO Thinks He Doing Good Job

SEATTLE—Admitting that the sight of him laying out his vision for the company was pretty endearing, employees at Rainier Solutions reported Monday that it was kind of sweet that CEO Greg Warner thinks he is doing a good job.
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America Reminded Of Beef's Existence By Bold New Ad Campaign

KANSAS CITY, MO—A new $100 million "Beef—Come And Get It™" ad campaign is reminding the American people of the existence of edible cow flesh.

One of the new print ads designed to remind Americans that beef exists.

The Kansas City-based American Beef Council launched the ambitious television and print campaign after discovering that U.S. citizens were no longer aware of the food item.

"Over the past few years, the American Beef Council let up on its promotional efforts, running very few beef ads," council president Richard Harnisch said. "And that lack of aggressiveness came home to roost: A recent focus-group test indicated that Americans had forgotten all about this delicious mealtime staple. When asked about beef or shown pictures of it, they seemed vague on the concept, often asking if it was some new, redder form of pork."

"Only after repeated explanations that beef is a separate, distinct meat that has always existed did test subjects begin to understand and remember," Harnisch said. "We soon realized that all Americans needed to have it explained to them that beef is a delicious meat that can be purchased and eaten."

Enlisting the aid of advertising agency McCann-Erickson, the American Beef Council developed a series of TV commercials depicting rugged cattle ranchers herding steer on a majestic Wyoming ranch as spirited Aaron Copland music plays. Veteran actor Jason Robards, speaking in voice-over, says, "There's a certain flavor to America, a hearty hunger for adventure and freedom that you can feel in the air. And taste in the beef."

Close-up shots of juicy steaks, hamburgers and beef shish-kebabs are then displayed, along with the campaign's slogan, "Beef—Come And Get It™."

A group of Americans enjoy the great taste of beef.

The ads already appear to be working.

"I'd completely forgotten about beef. I used to eat it all the time, well aware that it was what's for dinner," said Tracy Karasik of Pensacola, FL, enjoying a generous cut of London broil.

"But the manufacturers and vendors of beef must have gotten really lax in their advertising, because I don't think I've eaten or even thought about the meat in some three years. If it hadn't been for this new campaign, I might have died missing the great taste of beef."

The campaign is believed to be the most successful since a 1994 American Dairy Board promotional campaign for cheese. The ads, which revolved around the slogans, "Cheese—Still Exists, Always Has" and "Oh, Yeah... Cheese," reminded the American eating public of cheese's existence, causing sales of the dairy product to more than triple.

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