adBlockCheck

American Medical Association Changes Stance On Self-Immolation

Top Headlines

Science & Technology

Brita Unveils New In-Throat Water Filters

OAKLAND, CA—Representatives from Brita, the nation’s bestselling brand of household water filtration products, held a press event Wednesday to unveil a new line of filters designed to be installed directly inside users’ throats.

Video Game Henchmen Plan Meetup Around Explosive Barrels

LEVEL 5—A group of video game henchmen patrolling the warehouse hideout of their criminal mastermind boss informed reporters Wednesday of their upcoming plan to take a brief break from making their rounds to meet up around a stack of five highly explosive barrels.

Study Links Clinical Depression To Getting Dunked On

BOSTON—Identifying a significant factor contributing to the development of the mental health disorder, researchers from Harvard Medical School published a groundbreaking study Thursday that reportedly links clinical depression to getting dunked on.

How Dating Sites Match Their Users

With millions of people opting to use online dating sites to meet new potential romantic partners, many are wondering how computer algorithms can enhance their chances of finding “the one.” Here are the steps that dating sites take to match compatible users

How To File A Patent

In the United States, anyone who believes they have invented something truly unique is welcome to fill out a patent application to protect it, but it’s often a complicated and laborious process. Here are the steps involved in securing a patent

EPA Urges Nation To Develop New Air Source

WASHINGTON—Citing the hazardous levels of carbon dioxide and other pollutants accumulating in the atmosphere, officials from the Environmental Protection Agency urged the nation this week to develop a new air source.
End Of Section
  • More News
Up Next
TV Listings
Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

Special Coverage

Television

American Medical Association Changes Stance On Self-Immolation

NEW YORK—In a stunning announcement that has sent shockwaves throughout the field of public health, the American Medical Association officially changed its long-held stance on self-immolation Friday, reversing decades of support for the ritualistic practice of lighting oneself on fire. “After careful reevaluation and extensive discussion within the medical community, we have found it necessary to cease advocating for individuals to douse themselves in kerosene or other flammable chemicals, go out into the middle of a public square, and set their bodies aflame,” said AMA spokesperson Arnold Krbecek, who confirmed that an official bulletin had been sent to all 220,000 AMA-member physicians alerting them that the practice of self-immolation had been associated with adverse health outcomes and could prove lethal in extreme cases. “Immolating oneself remains a patient’s choice, but it is only one in an array of options that we encourage them to discuss with their doctor. The AMA will simply no longer be requiring that physicians prescribe it to their patients.” Krbecek also confirmed the organization’s view on hepatitis was still under review.

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

X Close