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A Basic Guide To Dream Interpretation

Dreaming is a universal human experience, and many similar themes arise in people’s dreams the world over. The Onion provides some context for interpreting these common dreams:

Bill O’Reilly Tearfully Packs Up Framed Up-Skirt Photos From Desk

NEW YORK—Smiling wistfully as he gazed at the cherished mementos that had sat on his desk for much of the past 20 years, former Fox News commentator Bill O’Reilly reportedly grew teary-eyed Thursday as he packed up the framed up-skirt photos from his work space following his termination by the cable channel.

Family Sadly Marks First 4/20 Without Grandmother

ALBANY, NY—Reminiscing about the departed matriarch while partaking in the annual festivities, members of the Osterman family sadly marked their first 4/20 since the passing of their grandmother, sources reported Thursday.

Report: Store Out Of Good Kind

UTICA, NY—Unable to locate them on their usual shelf, local man George Rambart, 41, reported Thursday that the store was out of the good kind.

Dwight Howard Clearly Doesn’t Know Team’s Name

WASHINGTON—Noting his confused expression and uncertainty while shouting incorrect nicknames throughout the playoff game, sources confirmed Wednesday night that Atlanta Hawks center Dwight Howard clearly does not know his own team’s name.

Donald Trump Jr. Takes Son On Hunting Trip In National Zoo

WASHINGTON—In what he referred to as an important rite of passage for his 8-year-old son, Donald John III, Donald Trump Jr. took his eldest boy to the Smithsonian National Zoological Park for his first-ever hunting trip, sources said Wednesday.
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American Medical Association Changes Stance On Self-Immolation

NEW YORK—In a stunning announcement that has sent shockwaves throughout the field of public health, the American Medical Association officially changed its long-held stance on self-immolation Friday, reversing decades of support for the ritualistic practice of lighting oneself on fire. “After careful reevaluation and extensive discussion within the medical community, we have found it necessary to cease advocating for individuals to douse themselves in kerosene or other flammable chemicals, go out into the middle of a public square, and set their bodies aflame,” said AMA spokesperson Arnold Krbecek, who confirmed that an official bulletin had been sent to all 220,000 AMA-member physicians alerting them that the practice of self-immolation had been associated with adverse health outcomes and could prove lethal in extreme cases. “Immolating oneself remains a patient’s choice, but it is only one in an array of options that we encourage them to discuss with their doctor. The AMA will simply no longer be requiring that physicians prescribe it to their patients.” Krbecek also confirmed the organization’s view on hepatitis was still under review.

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Bill O’Reilly Tearfully Packs Up Framed Up-Skirt Photos From Desk

NEW YORK—Smiling wistfully as he gazed at the cherished mementos that had sat on his desk for much of the past 20 years, former Fox News commentator Bill O’Reilly reportedly grew teary-eyed Thursday as he packed up the framed up-skirt photos from his work space following his termination by the cable channel.

Family Sadly Marks First 4/20 Without Grandmother

ALBANY, NY—Reminiscing about the departed matriarch while partaking in the annual festivities, members of the Osterman family sadly marked their first 4/20 since the passing of their grandmother, sources reported Thursday.

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