Americans Take Day Off From Looking For Work

In This Section

Vol 48 Issue 36

Area Woman Dumped On 15-Week Anniversary

TACOMA, WA—Insult compounded romantic injury Saturday when local boyfriend Charles Pond not only broke up with Karen Brunhoff, the woman he has dated since last spring, but reportedly “had the nerve” to dump her on the couple’s 15-...

New Zipcarp Service Offers Short-Term Carp Rentals

BOSTON—Announcing its plan to offer short-term, affordable carp rentals for urbanites and college students who don’t own a carp of their own, Zipcarp Inc. launched a brand-new fish-sharing service earlier this month.

NFL On Fox

Fox 12:00 p.m. EDT/11:00 a.m. CDT In the empty, darkened studio, Terry Bradshaw waits quietly for someone to josh with.
End Of Section
  • More News
TV Listings
Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

Special Coverage

Entertainment

Holiday

Americans Take Day Off From Looking For Work

NEW YORK—Citing the day-in, day-out grind of waking up early every morning and plugging away nonstop to find a job, Americans across the nation are spending their Labor Day taking a well-deserved day off from looking for work.

Whether it’s spending time at the park, firing up the grill, or simply enjoying a relaxing day inside watching television, U.S. citizens, who reportedly work an average of eight hours a day searching for employment, said they were glad to take some time off from the near-constant pressure of their job hunts.

“It’s definitely good to recharge,” said unemployed operations manager Rob Wilkes, 44, who vowed to relax and not send a single looking-for-work-related email the entire day. “I honestly can’t remember the last time I took a day off from trying to find a job.”

Added Wilkes, “Labor Day last year, maybe?”

Stating how important their finding a career is to them, Americans admitted it would be somewhat difficult to completely tear themselves away from various work-seeking responsibilities that typically pop up during the day, such looking through the classified sections of multiple newspapers, and blindly sending out dozens of resumes and cover letter.

However, citizens maintained that their lives can’t just revolve around their job search, and that it's essential to take some time away from the grueling—and some would say mind-numbing—hours spent staring endlessly at a computer monitor displaying Monster.com and LinkedIn.

Moreover, for the entire day, Americans have vowed to completely avoid discussing the subject of finding work, and just enjoy hanging out with friends, relatives, and recently laid-off coworkers.

“I’m constantly in looking-for-work mode,” said former market researcher Amanda Cooper, adding that Monday through Friday from 8 a.m. till 6 p.m. she can be found glued to her bedroom desk trying to find a job. “But you know what? It’s Labor Day. I’m not going to think about all the follow-up phone calls I have to make to potential employers, or how I’m behind on updating my CV. In fact, there is a job application to Burger King sitting on my kitchen table right now, and it’ll just have to wait until tomorrow.”

“I’m just going to sit back, relax, and watch a movie,” Cooper continued. “Mainly because I can’t really afford to go anywhere or do anything.”

Though the U.S. populace is content to take the day off, citizens have confirmed that because of America’s now well-established looking-for-work ethic, come tomorrow morning they’ll be back at it.

Next Story

Onion Video

Watch More