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Dwight Howard Clearly Doesn’t Know Team’s Name

WASHINGTON—Noting his confused expression and uncertainty while shouting incorrect nicknames throughout the playoff game, sources confirmed Wednesday night that Atlanta Hawks center Dwight Howard clearly does not know his own team’s name.

Man Tries Using Pink 6-Pound Bowling Ball To Great Amusement

WEST ORANGE, NJ—Seemingly knowing full well that the relatively small and light ball was not designed for someone of his size, sources confirmed Tuesday that 25-year-old Darren Foerstner tried using a pink 6-pound bowling ball for one frame, all to the incredible amusement of friends and onlookers at Eagle Rock Lanes bowling alley.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.
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Americans Wondering What They Did To Deserve This Much Joe Buck

NEW YORK—According to sports fans across America, the near-ubiquitous presence of play-by-play broadcaster, pregame reporter, and post-game analyst Joe Buck has begun to make them consider if they are being punished for something. "In this life, it's only natural to have to endure a certain amount of Joe Buck, but lately I've been inundated with this pervading informant to the point that I can't get his goddamn buttery-smooth voice out of my head," said avid football viewer and casual baseball fan Thomas Lenz. "I mean, I'm a grown man and can tune it out, but I have a 10-year-old son being who has to live through this. It's just not fair." Joe Buck was unavailable for comment, as he was doing a Borat impression on the set of his latest Fox Sports commercial.

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