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Tips For Hotel Etiquette

Staying in a hotel can be a fun and luxurious experience, but it requires consideration of the guests around you. The Onion presents its guide to hotel etiquette:

Report: Look How Big Player Is Next To Sideline Reporter

GREEN BAY, WI—Marveling at the pronounced disparity in size during the postgame interview, sources confirmed Sunday that, Jesus Christ, just look at how big Houston Texans nose tackle Vince Wilfork is next to the CBS sideline reporter.

John Kerry Throws Vine Over Pit Of Quicksand To Save Child Companion

PANGSAU, MYANMAR—Thinking quickly to thwart disaster as he ventured deep into the Myanmar rainforest to meet with State Councilor Aung San Suu Kyi, Secretary of State John Kerry threw a vine over a pit of quicksand to save the life of his 12-year-old Moroccan companion, Drumstick, sources confirmed Monday.

Report: This Movie Old Enough That They Might Have Actually Hurt Dog

GARDNER, MA—Realizing the movie was probably made years before any sort of mandatory industry oversight, nervous viewers watching a Turner Classic Movies airing of ‘Home On The Range’ Sunday night told reporters that the classic western was old enough that the filmmakers might have actually hurt the dog that starred in the motion picture.

Best Sports Video Games Of All Time

With titles such as ‘FIFA 17’ and ’NBA 2K17’ expected to be popular gifts this holiday season, Onion Sports looks back on some of the best sports video games of all time.

Can Trump Follow Through On His Campaign Promises?

President-elect Donald Trump made a variety of lofty promises during his campaign as part of a pledge to “make America great again.” The Onion looks at several of these promises and evaluates whether Trump will be willing or able to follow through on them.
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America's Best Zoo Exhibits

A trip to the zoo is fun and education for the entire family. Here's a list of the top-rated animal exhibits around the country:

America's Best Zoo Exhibits

  • Snakes: Somewhere In This Room!
    Zoo Atlanta, Atlanta, GA
  • The Fascinating World Of Dead Capybaras
    Bronx Zoo, Bronx, NY
  • Why Sloths And Chimps Can't Have Babies
    Chehaw Wild Animal Park,
    Albany, GA
  • Anacondo
    San Francisco Zoo,
    San Francisco, CA
  • You Deal With This Sick Rhino
    Fort Worth Zoo, Fort Worth, TX
  • Kanga-Roofied
    Sea World/Busch Gardens, Orlando, FL
  • Inside The Digestive Tract Of The Mighty Boa Constrictor
    Toledo Zoo, Toledo, OH
  • Nature's Videos We Rented
    Birmingham Zoo, Birmingham, AL
  • Feed Twizzlers To The African Waterbuck
    San Antonio Zoo, San Antonio, TX
  • Watch The Zookeeper-Mauling Polar Bear Get Euthanized
    Memphis Zoo, Memphis, TN
  • Polaroids Of Koalas
    Mesker Park Zoo, Evansville, IN
  • Peacocks And Turkeys: Nature's Unlikely Best Buddies
    Fort Wayne Children's Zoo,
    Fort Wayne, IN
  • Suddenly There's Bears!
    Wildlife Parking Lot
    Gladys Porter Zoo, Brownsville, TX
  • Mr. Hippo Loves Mrs. Hippo Very Much
    Franklin Park Zoo, Boston, MA
  • Hamm's Bear Cardboard Stand-Ups Behind Bars
    Lincoln Park Zoological Gardens, Chicago, IL

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